Diggin for Freedom

Thursday, January 13, 2011 | 1 Comment(s)

 Let's start with a thesis statement:  I think picking one's nose is a totally acceptable activity.  i mean, every animal that has the digital capacity and a nasal cavity seems to put finger to nose pretty naturally.
Just the pinkie, just to see how it feels
I learned it from watching YOU
Only bitches need fingers
I mean.  We all do it.  Sometimes.

And it's not taboo everywhere.  In japan you will see what appears to be stuffy business types stuffing their index finger way up yonder in search for some green gold.  And this is on the subway.

But writing a post about the merits of nose picking is for other bloggers to pontificate about.  I want to talk about the best place to pick your nose.  And that, for me, has to be the car.

Our cave of solitude.   On those long drives, sometimes spelunking yourself just feels like the perfect "me" time.   And alone in the car, you can really get into it.  None of this scraping around the ridge that could possible be parried in conversation into the "im just scratching my nose" zone.  No no.  We are talking like penetration so deep that you start to be able to reach around the corner to your other nostril.

But eventually it always happens.  You come to a red light, look across your shoulder and realize the person in the car akimbo is gawking and laughing at you with your hand in your face.  And you feel embarassed, because that person always has that condescending look on there face like they caught you doing something they would never be caught doing (like minding their own business).

I don't get embarrassed at this point.  Maybe cause i know that they're probably listening to Celine Dion while they look down their nose (sans finger) at me, or perhaps its because i think of fucktards like Palin and Beck, and I just can't feel embarassed knowing the truly embarrassing things people of this ilk display in public on a daily basis (to say nothing of Lohans of the world).  Or maybe, just maybe, it's because it feels good.  The satisfaction of a clean nose.  Like a sparkling kitchen counter, perhaps, even in this case, cleanliness is next to godliness.

And so, when they smile their wide toothless smile at me in my moving solitude-mobile, I keep my finger up there and i smile wider.  With teeth.  and in my smile i say, "why aren't YOU picking YOUR nose.  And, similar to when bullies on tv are confronted with a reasoned arguement, the whole situation turns around.  Flip-flop.  They are embarassed.  They are sitting there watching a guy pick his nose.   Like im some kind of fetish video they couldn't help but keep watching.  And they feel shame for spying.

I bet a good nose pick would cheer them right up.

1 comment:

  1. I've had the flu for nearly two weeks now, and for much of that time have been deperately willing to do most anything to get clear nasal passages. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the concept of a neti pot, but basically it's a miniature watering can that pours saline solution into one nostril until your sinus cavity fills up and the solution comes pouring out the other nostril. Fun! You basically turn your head into a champagne fountain (but don't drink the champagne). It clears you out for, oh, 20 minutes or so.

    As for the people watching you--who are these people, anyway? I *never* look into other people's cars on the road. Part of me is afraid that we'll make eye contact and then they'll start asking me for directions (which I totally suck at), but mostly it feels intrusive. And if I ever do catch someone doing something embarrassing (in a car or elsewhere), my immediate reaction is to politely look away and pretend I saw nothing. Who are these bozos who stare, point, and openly laugh? Are they part of some kind of travelling shame squad? I suggest you lower your window and flick a booger at them. Or smile sweetly and put your finger in your mouth.