Last year when on vacation in the Caribbean, I bought a pair of 11 dollar sunglasses that I have miraculously not lost.  Oh sure, they're on their last legs, as one of the tiny screws that hold the frame together is 72% popped out. But I still have them in my possession, and that may be a new record.

One special feature of said white plastic framed sunglasses, is that they are designed to guard one's eyes from the equatorial sun.  And that sun is bright as hell.  Back up in the Northeast I still rock these bad boys, but the extra UV protection tends to darken out a significant amount of the details in the world around me.  Granted, I often don't give two poos about those details.  But sometimes I do.  If, let's say, there is a street sign that spells out where & when it is legal to park, I can't make out the small lettering with these nightshades casting dusk upon my all day.  So, like Adam and Chris in the Schmitts Gay commercial, I lower my glasses down the bridge of my nose and read the fine print from above the frame of the cheap sunglasses.  Very sensual, very erotic.  I can park here from 6pm to 9pm on Tuesdays.  Hot.