Two Moments of Pride

Monday, April 8, 2013 | 3 Comment(s)

Two moments of pride.  Of proudness.  Prouditude.  Prouditivity.

If I may . . .

1.  For those of you who are regular followers of this blog, you know that one my New Year's Resolutions is/was to finally end the 2 years plus process of closing my bank accounts with Bank of America.  They're horrible.  I've known it for awhile now.  When they started playing with the value of money worldwide, i really knew it.  But there was direct deposit, automatic bill pay, and so many other  small but effective reasons to not completely delete that account.

I did it.  Currently, Bank of America keeps and protects zero dollars and zero cents of my money.  This number more accurately reflects the amount of respect, trust, and admiration I have for the company.  Being out of that bank's corrupt clutches actually feels good.

Me: "Excuse me, I need assistance closing my account?"

BOA Woman: "Oh, are you moving out of town."

Me: "No, I'm local."

*Awkward pause.*

To her credit, she didn't ask me why.  I kinda wish she had. I think we all know I had a thorough explanation.   Extremely thorough.

The only really weird part of the experience is that the "personal banker" who helped me close the account -- middle-aged white dude, balding, barrel chest -- kept calling me "my friend".  That will be no problem my friend.   Would you like that as cash or a check my friend.  My first reaction to this was that it had to do with my difficult to pronounce first name.  I told the guy, "my name's Matt.  You can call me Matt."  

But, he still went on with his "my friend"this and "my friend" that crap.  Like I was visiting some weirdo-cult and this guy was programmed to call me friend as many times as possible before I left the building, so that my lasting impression of this corrupt, grotesque, cheating institution would be one of everlasting friendship.  MY FRIENDS CALL ME BY MY NAME SHITHEAD!!!

2.  I am now, officially, blogging for profit and well as because I have a debilitating disease which requires me to over-share the hilarities of my life with the general public.   I am the new Entertainment Editor over at!!!   I'm unabashedly excited about this opportunity to broaden my audience as well as share my thoughts, feelings, and expertise regarding such topics as:  Love/Dating, T.V. & Movies, Food & Drink, and all other things entertainingly cool.  You can check out my first piece, The 5 Most Unintentionally Offensive Movies of All Time, here.

Rest assured loyal blog readers.  This move will not reduce the amount of mattitiyahu you receive (you probably will end up getting more all up), but it will simply multiply the portals through which you can access my particular peculiar perspective.


  1. Don't be too hard on the poor bank employees. I work for a bank (not BoA), and it can often be difficult as the customer facing person who has to deal with the blowback of some of the more unsettling decisions made by faceless corporate bigwigs.

    I'm not defending BoA. They ARE horrible, but have mercy on the peons who may have no other choice but to serve the evil big businesses of the world. We get the worst of it for the least pay possible.

    That being sad, congrats on breaking the cycle.

  2. @Krimmit. It's a very good point. I definitely don't blame them for their bank's transgressions. Living in a small town, however, there is a dynamic between the bank staff and the coffee shop patrons next door, which could be described as: tense.

  3. Ahh...I see. Sometimes people are just jerks too. It's not unordinary for a shady company to employ shady people I suppose. Anyway, I'm glad you made the break. BoA will see a LOT of this over the coming years.