That's Some Clown Forecasting Bro!

Sunday, May 19, 2013 | 0 Comment(s)

The weather pops onto the TV at 10:55pm, to tease the 11pm news.  The weatherman says the temperature outside is 58 degrees right now.  Pleasant.  He goes on to say that if you were to drive in an hour in any direction from the center of town, you can expect temperatures to be 58 plus or minus 3 degrees.  Of course, he says this by giving the current temperatures of all the surrounding towns.

Then he continues, "and if you're looking out for what to expect tomorrow morning, stay tuned to your local NBC news, coming up next."

I call bullshit.

Look, my expectations for weather people are mole-people low.  I do not expect the words that leave a weather person's mouth to be true.  I use their "forecasts" as if they were a terror-level awareness color chart, popularized by NYC in 2001.  If the weatherperson says hurricane storms, that is terror level red, and I should bring a raincoat.  I still don't expect it to rain, but at that point if I am unprepared for the precipitation, it's mostly my fault.

What I do expect from the TV weather is some prediction about the weather.  No one, NO ONE, turns on the weather to find out the current weather.  THAT IS WHY HOUSES HAVE WINDOWS!!!!

And if my window can do your job with equal efficacy, then I'm not prepared to call you a weatherman.  You are a glorified window.  A window with a mouth and no view. And I understand the need to tease the news, but come ON.  Tease us with the coming morning's forecast (now a mere 8 hours away), and keep us coming back by withholding tomorrow's day and evening weather.  Don't just plop a guy up on screen to tell me what I could learn by defenestrating my arm.

With the fear of getting all "commencement speechy" (though it is the proper time), Webster's Dictionary defines forecast as:

a : to calculate or predict (some future event or condition) usually as a result of study and analysis of available pertinent data; especially : to predict (weather conditions) on the basis of correlated meteorological observations
b : to indicate as likely to occur

So, technically speaking, my gripe is totally warranted, as the information that the window-man delivered was not officially a forecast, as no real calculations or predictions were made.  And I will draw you attention to the most germane aspect of the definition, "to predict weather on the basis of correlated meteorological observations." (my emphasis added)  Unless you consider looking at a thermostat to be a meteorological calculation that helps you predict the present, I believe last night's broadcast was more window-dressing (pun) than "forecast."

In conclusion, that was some clown forecasting, bro.  Perhaps you should have just delayed your "teaser" another hour, because it would have been perfect for Saturday Night Live.

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