Parallel Parking Privilege

Tuesday, August 5, 2014 | 0 Comment(s)

There are two parking spaces along the curb just outside the coffee shop.  In the summer, the establishment sets up small tables and chairs so people can sip their lattes while enjoying a warm summer's day.  You also get a front seat for any parking dilemma that might occur at street level, a mere 6 feet away.

In today's episode a woman in her late 40's or early 50's was getting into her Audi station wagon with her two female companions after exiting the coffee shop.  Their car was parked in the space furthest forward.

Meanwhile, smiley-McParallel-parks-for-no-reason has slid his sporty BMW into the rear space, only to decide that he wasn't close enough to the curb (he's totally close enough to the curb) and thereby began procedures to re-parallel park his vehicle to get those final 3 inches of flush wheel to curb goodness.  It was all pretty ridiculous, and when he glanced directly at me, sitting with my coffee looking back at him, all I could do was return his ernest smile and give him a thumbs-up meant to communicate that the parking fiasco he has found himself in will last only as long as he decides to keep the engine running.

Mercifully, he turned the ignition key and his car audibly exhaled from the stress of over parking.  As the OCD parker, a guy in his 50's, exited his vehicle he crossed paths with the woman leaving and struck up a quick conversation.  It turned out to be glorious:

Here we just call this car a "Prius"

"I had to redo it, to make sure it was as nicely parked as yours," he said, complimenting the Audi driver's parking abilities. It was expertly lined up with the curb.

Of course, the women leaving the coffee shop were, as most people are around here are, off in their own world, completely unaware of this man and his repetitive parking procedures.  And most people who weren't paying attention, when handed a compliment from a stranger, would take it and go merrily on their way.  Au contraire.

Please remember, this woman didn't park her car initially.  He just pulled straight up into her space.  But, when facing this vehicular compliment, somehow she came straight back with this gem, "Well, I'm glad I don't have to back up because I wouldn't want to hit such a nice car. A BMW!"

The beauty in her statement was the tone.  She was shaming this guy for how nice his car was.  She over-pronounced "nice" in  a way that made him the 1% and her the ninety-nine.  But she was driving an Audi station wagon!!!!!  That is some next level rationalization.   It was so next level as to leave the beamer driver speechless.  I mean, what non-sequitor was he supposed to resort to.  It was a performance piece on privilege.

As the women drove away, the couple next to me fell into a giggle.  The guy remarked, "How is a Audi any different than a BMW?"  They had read the situation the same way as I had.

I replied to the couple, "You get the feeling that in this town, if you've have a yellow Porsche, and a gal with a red Lamborghini pulls into the spot behind you, you gotta believe she's, like, a huge attention-whore.

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