The Other Drunk Woman I Met on Vacation

Thursday, March 31, 2011 | 2 Comment(s)

It's time.  You've waited long enough in anticipation.  Here comes the payoff. 

I should mention, by means of comparison that, while the 1st girl i met was most certainly drunk off her rocker, the woman (she was significantly older than the last girl) that i am about to speak of, i only hope was really drunk.  I assume she was.  But, unlike drunkasaurus rex from Woody's, this woman's eyes weren't rolling around her head like a Muppets and she seemed capable of forming words without adding extra h's and "shhh" sounds to everything.  Drunk, but not drunkasaurus rex.   Maybe a drunk-a-raptor.  Or some smaller form of meat eater (dirty pun!).

here goes. 

On the island, there is a little mini casino.  well, not a casino per say, but rather a mirror encrusted bar with electronic slots, blackjack, and roulette.  Apparently the law works in such a way that as long as there are no dealers or actual cards, aka. everything is electronic, you can do pretty much whatever.  This system works for everyone.  People bet real money and get real money in return.  And in the end, that's what's most important in this situation. 

I, not being immune to the gambling impulse, but being saddened by slot machines as a whole, decided to play some electronic blackjack.  In terms of my personal run at the "tables," it went like this-- i was up, then i lost a little, i was way up, then i lost a bunch.  In the end i made about 20 bucks.  And i had fun.  good deal.

But this story involves what happened while i was gambling.  Me and two other older men, were sitting at the far blackjack machine which is shaped like a half circle, us along the curved edge, with our backs facing the back row of slot machines along the back wall. 

there was a lively and fun mood at the table, with the guy to my right betting big and winning big.  Hundreds.  All while simultaneously verbally abusing his wife who was kinda roaming around the place drunkinly getting involved in this or that.  I filed it all under "not my problem" and moved on.  The man to my left was older still, maybe 70, southern, and into college basketball.  The two men traded harmless insults regarding each others college sports conference and we we're well on our way. 

As we were on a roll, we hear a woman's voice behind us.  "How do I get there."

There are moments in life, when you just find clarity.  Without turning around, i swear to you all, i knew exactly what was happening and how it was going to play out.  I'm not sure why.  I'm not saying i have powers or im psychic (psychotic?) or anything.  Just that, in this particular situation, the moments that were about to occur fell smoothly into place in my mind ahead of time.

I turned.  "That's a mirror,"  i said.

"Excuse me?" she replied.  The tone was a mixture of confusion, potentially feeling insulted, and then back to confusion.

Me again.  "Where are you trying to get?"

Her:  "There."  She points toward the back wall, toward the row of slots that line that wall, with the wall itself being a large mirror, giving the effect that the room is twice as large as it actually it.  Remember, i said, the effect

Seeing her, standing there, pointing at a mirror (which DID reflect her btw), desperately trying to find her way into the "back of the casino" to get to the slots that look almost identical to the ones shes at, only backward -- did not move me.

"That,"  i repeated, this time giving her supposed destination a cursory glance, "is a mirror."

Her reaction this time was almost identical, except this time it was just a look, no words.  And it ended with the recognition that she was trying to find a way into a friggin mirror.

I turned back to the table.

The funniest part, however, is that as i turned back, the two men at my sides finally turned their attention (and chairs) toward the woman i was having this 'conversation' with.  They had been half-listening without actually investing any energy to help.  But my reply had peeked their curiosity. 

And i swear you could watch their faces slowly comprehending what had just transpired.  Looking at her, looking at the back wall mirror, back to her, then to me, then back to her.  And then -- booming laughter.  From both of them.  the best part was watching these guys piece together the hilariousness that had just transpired on a simultaneous delay, and then just loosing it as they made their way to the punchline. 

If only Alice had been there.  Perhaps she could have led the drunk lady raptor through the looking glass . . . . and far far away from reproduction.


  1. I came across your blog because of its title - I think that all the time (about my own blog) - if I don't make it when I'm alive, I'll be famous when I'm dead! Like Shakespeare or Lennon (...or Jade Goody if you're familiar with bad british TV) all sins erased through death and popularity and fame multiplied tenfold. Oh gosh - look who I've just compared myself (and you) to -presumptious? ? Anyway, I LOVE this story! The holiday casino experience is strangely familair, but without the drunk lady raptor, I would have loved to have met her! And I love your lack of respect for punctuation - we don't even notice, the writing's too good!

  2. @Frances. Welcome. Some things.

    one. frances was my grandmother's name. this is neither here nor there but a total point in your favor regardless.

    two. i've only referenced my blogs title in actual entries occasionally, but its near and dear to my heart, and i totally am going for postmortem impact. its the only way we can live forever . . . right?

    three. i'm glad you like the blog. you should know, that there is kinda a curse around the 80th follower for me. As soon as i get to 80, i lose one almost immediately. Hoping to break the trend.