Sorry. but you won't be.

Monday, June 27, 2011 | 0 Comment(s)

'Brady Bunch' mom got crabs in affair with NY mayor : Politician sent Florence Henderson flowers to apologize

(i had to link to that article) that said.  I could have gone my entire human life--no matter how long or short that may end up being--without ever knowing that information.  And now you know it too.  like i said at the outset, Sorry.

This is not news.  this is something that happened.  its unfortunate, scummy, too much information, and does not deserve a headline.  we have too much news.  we have our too much information.  constantly.  we are bombarded.  i am bombarded.  i am bombarding.  i post this blog on facebook, twitter, and sometimes on my gmail status update.  i am not an innocent.  i currently have a movie on in the background, my iphone at my side, and the baseball box score running in the background.  my screens have multiple screens.  baby screens people. im a little scared of this.  and the less im scared of this i am, the more i think maybe thats what the screens want me to think.  stay tuned (ack. robot takeover pun!)

another thing that i find strange.  we are still finding new species of animals on our planet.  and yes, most of them ARE a long way down in the ocean, and getting down there is difficult.  but.  in my defense.  we've been to the moon.  so come on.  don't give me that.  and its not only ocean creatures (and wowwie are they ever creatures), an expedition to some place in south asia recently came back with photos of some crazy new tree frogs and a few other new species.  i mean, i am a fan of conservation.  a big fan. and a part of me is incredibly happy that there are still uncharted places on our planet.  but at the same time.  isn't it kinda nutso that we haven't been everywhere on the earth's surface.  i mean, we loooooooooove taking over new places.  almost as much as we love spreading diseases. this jungle must be some pretty dank friggin crack to be still unexplored.  otherwise we'd have tree houses and bungalows with glass floors and facial peels and swimming with south asia's version of dolphins (maybe dolphins?) and we'd get to watch the former natives dance a watered down version of their previously happy culture's ritual hunting preparation dance.  this is all conjecture, of course. but it probably rings some bells at the same time. 

back to the ocean.  lets get down there.  i was promised way back during SeaQuest (oh yah i did) that we would have dolphins full on communicating with us.  Lets have a friggin space race to talking with dolphins (seriously though; monkeys, chimps, and the like have had their chance to be the people's champion.  i make an exception for orangutans, however.  we had a talk, and we're cool.).  If douglas adams had faith in them, then i do too.  They are probably all down in the ocean, swimming around, babbling about how easy it would be to cure cancer for us if only they had a way to tell us.  Somehow hitting the square block and jumping through the hoops haven't exactly transmitted to subtleties of how to correctly apply beta-blockers.  You get the point.

it turns out i am almost militantly pro-dolphin.  go figure.  and now that i've learned something about myself, i'm stopping.

happy birthday brother.

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