There are some
technologies and practices that, as they get passed by the constant change of
the faster, more powerful, great convenience, become almost quaint. Winding wrist watches come to mind. As do rowboats (shrug). One carry-over
from the past that I thoroughly do not approve of is bathroom attendants.
I’m not saying
they don’t do a job. If there is a
bathroom attendant present, the chances are certainly much greater that you
will have a clean john to greet you.
And that has value. But,
for the sake of argument, lets put the pro of a clean stall up against these
cons.
1. Worst job in the entire fucking
universe. Ok, hyperbole aside,
spending one’s whole work day inside (for the sake of a more visceral example,
you can picture me going into the charlotte airport bathroom today) a large row
of toilets is horrible. Its
horrible. Especially (close your
eyes if you don’t like the gross stuff) airport bathrooms where people are cycling
through, dropping kids off at the pool and getting on out of there. The effect is . . .well . . . smelly.
Not only that but you are expected to greet and say goodbye to all
users. And, in said welcome, you
are also subtly trying to ask patrons of
the bathroom (foreshadowing) to drop you a buck as much because your life
is sucking as for the work you are doing.
There are worse jobs. I
have done them. Maintaining the
kibbutz sewer system was worse.
But it was also less humiliating.
At least when I was wading in poo only my coworkers were laughing at
me. Just don’t expect to see me
handing you a towel as you are washing up from your bowel movement any time
soon.
2. Nobody wants to socialize in the
bathroom. There are once again
exceptions. Co-ed bathrooms and
showers in college led to great harmonizing, community building, and a better
understanding of gender. Also,
sometimes, I will enter a bathroom with a group of friends, and there will be
simultaneous peeing and merriment.
Not often.
At
almost all other times, silence is golden. I don’t want to be
greeted entering the bathroom. I’m
ok being incognito about my bathroom needs (this blog seems to make that
statement a boldface lie—but you get me).
I can get my own towel, I have never used aftershave or mouthwash when
exiting a public bathroom (and I don’t see that changing), and I rarely go to
the nearest bathroom to share any hot news flash. Even a talker like myself is ok with a little quiet time in
the potty room.
3.
I
do not enjoy, or like being seen, as a bathroom patron. I hate the
whole concept. I mean, should I
really need money to take a pee.
Or rather, should I feel like I should need money to go to the bathroom? No. No no
no. This is different from those
50 cents to use gas station bathrooms (the fee is for use not cleanliness—obviously).
I can go to the bathroom, start to
finish, by myself. The idea that
by placing another human in the bathroom that we can turn everyone’s need to
use lavatories into another revenue stream (pee pun), is frankly a bit
disconcerting. Maybe I
should point out to these geniuses of business that excrement makes great
fertilizer, and that they should be paying ME
for my service of providing them with free fertilizer. Wouldn’t you like to see a video of that conversation? Me too.
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