I'll be Watching You: Night Vision Binoculars

Tuesday, October 16, 2012 | 2 Comment(s)

I just bought night vision goggles.  Seriously.  They are fo real.  Check em.  I am now officially a force to be reckoned with.  And while I readily admit that just buying night-vision goggles for shits and giggles does sound very me . . . i do actually have a purpose for them.

"SO CAN I!!!!"
The last two things i do every night is take the dogs out to go to the bathroom, and then try to settle them in the bedroom (on their dog bed(s)) in the dark, without waking up wifey.

Grover, our oldest, is no problem in either of these regards.  He doesn't want to be outside as much as I don't want to be outside.  It's a business transaction and then he is doing the nighttime sprint (which has all the movements of a running dog, but about half the speed) back to the couch to ball up and hunker down.   10 minutes later when i come in with his brother (we'll get to this in a minute), I say bedtime and he hunkers his now seemingly gigantic and unmovable mass up the stairs like an adolescent forced to pick up the mess he just made.  But, all in all, he finds his place on his bed in the bedroom, and he's out for the night.

Falcor, our youngest, is an entirely different bag of marbles.  2 a.m. bathroom time, for Falc, is really no different than any other time in the yard.  This means he feels totally cool about sprinting into the backyard, and then into the woods behind that, to frolic, scavenge, and chase nightlife.  I am very much not cool with this.  Let alone that he knows i'm balancing on my wife's crocs when he deems it capture the flag night, but I also have to wait for my eyes to adjust to the night before I even have a chance at catching him (he's essentially "night" colored).  Even with a lantern their is a few minutes of trying to locate his blur in various favorite areas of the yard.  Bribe in hand, i reel him in.

And Falc isn't much of a "quick settler" when it comes to nightnights.  He waits for his brother to settle in bad and then sits on him, slowly letting his body grow heavy and melt into the little spoon (also forcing grover to accommodate him as big spoon).  But, if you just leave him like that, most likely a few minutes later you'll be greeted by the pitter patter of tiny paws on hardwood.  Maybe, like last night, he'll just be stopping by my trash can to get a dirty tissue to tear apart.  Or perhaps he's angling for a spot on the bed.  In order to deter such chicanery,  we have learned to put a soft comforter over his head (much like you would put a bird to bed by covering its cage with a sheet), and he snuggle digs in for the night.  finally.

I hope you can now see how the above "process" would be difficult to complete in the pitch dark without making any noise (first world problems anyone?).  And so, with the purchase of these 40 dollar spynet night vision binoculars, not only will i be able to provide a more comfortable night's sleep to my wife and puppies, but i also can terrorize my enemies with "water-balloons from space."

Happy Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen


  1. You are now officially the coolest guy I know.

  2. Yay. Now i just need that feeling to surge across the nation. I also need these binoculars to work . . . Somehow i see an update coming on.