Lady School

Wednesday, December 1, 2010 | 0 Comment(s)

This is not a post about the merits of all-women's colleges.  Its not.  This is about totally observational data regarding my few interactions with Smith students.  In two parts.

Part I.

I was in an acappella group in college.  this is only embarrassing because i friggin hate acappella music.  That said, it's a great way to meet girls, and since i wasn't committed enough to forming a band, it was a good outlet for performing. 

One concert we did at Smith (hell, maybe it was Mt. Holyoke or Barnard, parts of college are a haze).  We drove up (down?) for a singing road trip and rolled into the all women's college around 8.   Here's what i remember about that show.

I remember thinking that maybe people know our music? because of the applause we received coming on.  Then a female solo.  Then a MALE solo -- applause again.  I remember looking out at the two tiers of female spectators (we were in a lobby like room with a wrap-around balcony formed by the floor above), and having the sensation of the guy at the vampire party who doesn't realize that he's at a vampire party and that he is part of the main attraction.  These women were fully engaged with what must have been thrilling vocalizations coming from the male members of our coed troop.  They had that crazy glimmer in their eyes that said "maybe we want to screw you, but maybe we just want to rip you to pieces."  I guess it was pretty much how women feel all the time, except they were the pack of wolves, and our collective acappella penises were the prey.

Part II

The present.  I'm coming to you live from the coffee shop.  For the past hour this woman has been conversationally trying to have intercourse with the guy shes talking to directly behind me.  She going for it. Full throttle.   "Yes i want to go to that party." "Yes there are a lot of lesbians at Smith, thats part of the reason me and my friends are trying to go out more and party"  "im into hiphop, like mostly the main-stream stuff."  It's blatant.  And in IMing my friend simultaneously, i even told her that i thought this woman must go to Smith.  A few sentences later, my suspicion was confirmed.  And it's continued.  On and on.  Why doesn't he just take her to the bathroom already.   It's like she's writing a book called, "How many ways can i say, "i want to fuck you."  The guy is a semi-aloof Amherst College student.  the kinda guy who, when asked if he goes to UMass says, "no no no no no, Amherst College."  Apparently they don't teach "closing" as part of their liberal arts curriculum, cause i'm still here getting impregnated by there foreplaytalk.

happy hannukah to the jews.

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