Take These Broken Rings

Friday, June 8, 2012 | 4 Comment(s)

This is true story.

Post-wedding celebration, a few hand fulls of the out of town guests came over the the hotel we had booked for our wedding night (hellllllls yah).  When wifey and I arrived, they had already set up an old school box t.v.'s and were searching through an old . . . um . . . . college documentary?  (one of our friends took hours and hours of video in college -- then he lost said film.  Then he found it.  Then he didn't edit it.  And that's what we were watching).   Not long into their search, they pulled up some footage of a younger, more muppety looking version of myself putting some serious moves on a mannequin in a Target.  From the look on her face, she was totally into it.

After that embarrassment we sang happy birthday to another friend in attendance and started to drink the scotch.  I should mention that when we arrived in the lobby of the hotel, it was immediately apparent that there was another wedding going on in their banquet room.  I tell you this because at this point, that wedding started overflowing into the bar as well.  It wasn't long before the bride herself was informing e that we had "gotten" their wedding venue (suckers . . .cough cough).  Thankfully, it didn't get confrontational considering everyone was drinking and uber happy.

The bar is closing, as they are want to do.  We settle up and decided it's time to call this 10 hour party a rap.  I look at e and she is beaming.  I look into a mirrored pillar, and I am equally beaming.  We are beaming together.  High beaming.  We take the fancy schmancy copper-colored elevator to the top floor and are strolling down the hallway toward our room when, in all of my beaming beamedness, I jump up, hit the passing door frame, and scream, "BEST WEDDING EVER!!!"

Simultaneously, I hear a dull crack, and the feeling of pop-rocks encasing the upper joint of a finger on my left hand.

I shattered the ring.  On the door frame.  Turns out stone quartz is NOT indestructible.  Not even close.  A the time i was bummed, but with a little distance it was easy to realize that a ring that didn't survive day one of marriage, wasn't going to be with me for the long haul anyways.

By morning, i was thinking that breaking your ring at the end of the wedding was akin to when rock stars smash their guitars at the conclusion of a killer set.  Essentially making me a marriage rock star.  Screaming, "THAT'S HOW YOU DO WEDDINGS!"( a la Will Ferrell's debate style in Old School) as I smash my elaborate decorative ring.  I like that image.

Most importantly.  E saw it all happen.  She watched the whole thing go down, so there is none of that "you broke your brand new wedding ring that is a symbol of our love and connection and unbroken commitment to each other, how???"

But i wanted a ring.  My finger already felt like a liar. So i went to a head shop in Northampton and bought this $8 beauty.

 yes.  It has scorpions on it.  two of them.  Their tails connect.  I tell myself that it is symbolic in that i am a scorpio and e is a gemini (aka. twin scorpions), but really it's just a placeholder.  Something to hold the spot warm until the real deal comes back around.

My wife is picking out the new one.  I think that's best for everyone.


  1. nice job, matt! you ARE a wedding rockstar!

  2. I can't recall as bizarre a wedding ring story as this before. Even any wedding ring story. There are wedding ring stories? Well there are now!

    p.s. Just started reading you. Found you when googling what a total tool Alex Trebek is. Like your writing style and your stories. I believe your word was "douche." That'll do.

  3. @AVJ I'll try to keep it up! Thanks.

    @shopgirl. NO, you are!

    @Kathy. If you found the site by searching alex trebek is a douche, then we are already good friends. Apparently this is his last season. about friggin time. What is "douchenozzle" alex?