Trying to Climax in Exactly 17 Syllables

Sunday, June 6, 2010 | 9 Comment(s)

The truth is that ive been having so much fun lately I haven't had time to post.  Now isn't that jsut the best thing ever.  

I recently won my first writing contest since middle school when I won a D.A.R. (Daughters of the American Revolution) Award for an essay I wrote.  I'm not sure how often boys won this award.  I will say my mom also won it so . . . maybe i was "legacy-ed" in.

Anyways, i actually won a "Masturbation Haiku" contest over at Early To Bed, a sex shop in Chicago where a good friend of mine works (no, i did NOT get any favoritism).  I believe it will be published tomorrow (June 7th), so say tuned.  As noble followers of my blog, I obviously will be giving you guys the exclusive first look.  Here it is, my award-winning blog on masturbation:

finally alone
*quickly pulls up his waistband*
not alone at all

 I really have my finger on the pulse of the American consciousness (pun!).  This upandcoming (pun!) young writer is bound to stretch our understanding of the human body beyond our current conceptualization.

That's right folks, lap it up (pun!).

Oy.  Bedtime.  Genius needs it's beauty sleep.   


  1. Your mother will be so proud. Not exactly a D.A.R. contest.

  2. @Mei you know . . . eventually

    @Judy one might argue that being able to please oneself sexually is more important than knowing about Eleanor Roosevelt's rose gardens. i would be one of those people. i find this to be so much cooler than the DAR contest

  3. HAHA. Suck on THAT judy !!!!! :)

    love you moms

  4. This is freakin' hilarious! I want more.

  5. to be able to love others, one must be able to fully *love* oneself