The Friendoza Line

Wednesday, April 25, 2012 | 0 Comment(s)

This is gonna be a thing.

Let's make this a thing.

Here's the premise.  For those of you who aren't baseball fans, the "Mendoza Line" is named for Mario Mendoza, and, as an aside, it's kinda a crock of shit.

The Mendoza Line, in common baseball parlance, is maintaining a batting avg. of .200, or, put another way, sucking.  If you are batting below .200, or "below the Mendoza Line", you are really sucking.  Bad.

I say it's a crock because Mario Mendoza was a defensive replacement, and had a lifetime batting average of .215, not .200.  He also went to the Mexican Baseball Hall of Fame for his coaching career.  But i digress.

The Friendoza Line (c) (copyrighted!!!!)

We all have one friend, who we, kinda sorta, put up with more than we like.  Maybe it's someone from high school who you just could never break away from, maybe it's that college friend who still drops by to crash on your couch with no notice (oh crap.  i just realized that i might be the Friendoza Line for a BUNCH of people!).  There could be lots of reasons you could not like your friends.   I'm pretty sure it's human nature (and i'm a doctor, so it's, like, totally fact).  Whatever the reason.  Think of that person.  Think of the person who, for you, meets the absolute minimum requirements for continuing a friendship.  They are your Friendoza Line (c).

When you think of other people in and around your life, you can ask yourself, "Do I like this person more or less than Friendoza?" If you think more, you are friends with that person.  If you think less, they are not really your friends.

What i like most about the Friendoza Line (c) is that it is a constant in an ever changing environment.  Friendships, sadly, are not constant life packs.  It's ok.  Cry it out.  I'll wait.  While Facebook et al. gives us an almost overwhelming amount of opportunity to stay in touch with practically everyone we meet in the Interneted world, we simply don't have the time to be besties 4 Life with everyone we meet, for always.  By the same right, people who have been acquaintances for years can very quickly become close friends.  Or, someone could move to Iran (I'm looking at YOU, kaveh!).  And so, our friendships dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge above, below, and along the Friendoza Line (c).

And, perhaps you're wondering why you would ever need a system for deciphering whether or not someone is really your friend.  I'm certainly not suggesting you should start weighing and measuring all of your relationships.  That's crazy talk.

But every now and again you might get that feeling that maybe Evan is more toxic than tastic (are the kids saying "tastic"?  short for fantastic?  can i copyright that too?).  When and if that time comes, take comfort in knowing that you have the Friendoza Line to help you out in your time of interpersonal crisis.

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