This is not a post about the merits of all-women's colleges. Its not. This is about totally observational data regarding my few interactions with Smith students. In two parts.
Part I.
I was in an acappella group in college. this is only embarrassing because i friggin hate acappella music. That said, it's a great way to meet girls, and since i wasn't committed enough to forming a band, it was a good outlet for performing.
One concert we did at Smith (hell, maybe it was Mt. Holyoke or Barnard, parts of college are a haze). We drove up (down?) for a singing road trip and rolled into the all women's college around 8. Here's what i remember about that show.
I remember thinking that maybe people know our music? because of the applause we received coming on. Then a female solo. Then a MALE solo -- applause again. I remember looking out at the two tiers of female spectators (we were in a lobby like room with a wrap-around balcony formed by the floor above), and having the sensation of the guy at the vampire party who doesn't realize that he's at a vampire party and that he is part of the main attraction. These women were fully engaged with what must have been thrilling vocalizations coming from the male members of our coed troop. They had that crazy glimmer in their eyes that said "maybe we want to screw you, but maybe we just want to rip you to pieces." I guess it was pretty much how women feel all the time, except they were the pack of wolves, and our collective acappella penises were the prey.
Part II
The present. I'm coming to you live from the coffee shop. For the past hour this woman has been conversationally trying to have intercourse with the guy shes talking to directly behind me. She going for it. Full throttle. "Yes i want to go to that party." "Yes there are a lot of lesbians at Smith, thats part of the reason me and my friends are trying to go out more and party" "im into hiphop, like mostly the main-stream stuff." It's blatant. And in IMing my friend simultaneously, i even told her that i thought this woman must go to Smith. A few sentences later, my suspicion was confirmed. And it's continued. On and on. Why doesn't he just take her to the bathroom already. It's like she's writing a book called, "How many ways can i say, "i want to fuck you." The guy is a semi-aloof Amherst College student. the kinda guy who, when asked if he goes to UMass says, "no no no no no, Amherst College." Apparently they don't teach "closing" as part of their liberal arts curriculum, cause i'm still here getting impregnated by there foreplaytalk.
happy hannukah to the jews.
Lady School
Wednesday, December 1, 2010 | 0 Comment(s)
Monday, November 29, 2010 | 2 Comment(s)
Thanksgiving is my family's biggest holiday of the year. One of our yearly traditions includes going around the table and saying what we are thankful for. We do a bit of an emotional autopsy on the year past. The whole process includes moments of laughter, usually some tears, but always a feeling of connection. This year i spent one of my first thanksgivings away from my family of origin (not including when i was living out of the country). I went with mmf to her family's place in northern VT. How north? Well, we had a white thanksgiving--so pretty much all the way north. Mmf's family was gracious enough to indulge my request to keep this public thanks-giving tradition. And it was wonderful. I was really touched that they agreed to it, but in addition, they all really took it seriously and were heartfelt.
For the holiday past, I present you with a few of the things i am thankful for. and a few things i am not thankful for.
1. it is difficult "entering" a new family. since the engagement, i think there has been a tangible feeling of the elastic surrounding mmf and my life together, tightening. Since this is the first time i'm seen mmf's folks post-engagement, its the first time we've thrown around words like "mother-in-law" and "son." For whatever reason (TV, media, observation of life), i really don't like the words "-in-law." Whenever i hear the suffix "-in-law," i hear "-that-i-hate." So that's a no go. To get to the thanks part:
I am thankful for my expanding family. It's a strange thing that in the past year, i have gained 3 sisters (mmf's sis and my bro's wife and my bro's wife's brother's wife--i'm still not gonna use "in-law" however) and a brother. And, what i'm realizing, as life gets more and more . . . ahem . . . real, is that i need family to expand to deal with the new challenges i face. as I am a firm believer in the concept of independence as a farce, i am thankful for the new branches that are sprouting from my family tree.
2. Staying on theme. When joining a new family, it can be anxiety producing, cause all the normative stuff you've done your whole life is not necessarily the same normative stuff that mmf's family is used to. Two things i am thankful for, that are part of mmf's narrative, but not my family's: Apps & Cocktails.
Every time i'm in VT for a holiday we have pre-dinner food. Pre-dinner food rocks. it's beneficial in that it keeps the non-cooks from picking at dinner, and also makes you feel classy--like you're at a fancy wedding or a benefit gala. It doesn't matter if it's shrimp (hell's yah), pigs in a blanket (HELL'S YAH!) or cheese and crackers, apps are NOT just for the iPhone.
Cocktails. Turns out, cocktails make giving thanks much easier. you can really get into a flow. Cocktails (both pre-dinner and during) accentuate the gala atmosphere the apps created. They also underline the point that you are relaxing. No, we don't usually crack the scotch at 2pm for the football game, but today is a hoooooliday, so we make an exception. We are refined. we sip drinks. we are fancy. fancy free.
Things I am not thankful for.
1. Two days ago (Nov 27), i ate sushi with mmf to Christmas music. The whole time. They just rocked thru the greatest carols mix. Not fun. It is the WRONG friggin MONTH! I still have turkey in my fridge. It made my dinner tangibly less enjoyable. Mmf suggested that i just pretend it is Christmas day (she mixed up her Asian cuisine, but it was still super funny since she said it deadpan).
2. Recently, i've had some eye problems (again). Long story short, to varying degree's my right eye can be normal to extremely red and irritated. When it's really red, i have to go through the unbelievably unpleasant process of explaining my condition to random strangers who ask about it. Which brings me to: I am not thankful for strangers who think its totally acceptable to ask people personal questions.
The worst of these is a man who is a serial conversation joiner. a man who will find any opportunity to start and continue a conversation with, pretty much anyone at pretty much all times. It's both creepy and annoying. Recently he, having seen me around the coffee shop on occasion, bust out with "what's wrong with your eye, it's red." In my mind i said, "No shit, MY eye is red. Thanks for letting ME know. I was totally oblivious to my own friggin eye. What would i ever have done without you pointing it out." My next thought was saying, "Yah, it gets that way when it senses a totally inappropriate question from strangers." I didn't. Mostly cause i love the shop so much that i don't want to increase my drama with any of its denizens (with exceptions of course).
I will say, that i also encountered my favorite example of how TO ask someone about their eye infection. While at another local bar/brunch place with some friends, a mutual friend/acquaintance joined us. While i don't know the guy very directly, our circle of friends has great overlap, and he's always been extremely nice. He asks, "Can i ask you a personal question." (by couching the question as personal, he's recognizing that you just don't shout questions of infection out without prompting. aka. Hey Mister, That herpes?) I said yes. He said, "Do you got the junk?" He was referring to conjunctivitis -- or pink eye. It wasn't an unreasonable question. Pink-eye is both super contagious and it looked like i had it. He also asked it in the best way. The way a kid who used to go to sleep-away camp and get pink-eye and lice checks regularly would ask it. I told him that he was safe -- no junk here. junk free since '93.
happy thanksgiving.
For the holiday past, I present you with a few of the things i am thankful for. and a few things i am not thankful for.
1. it is difficult "entering" a new family. since the engagement, i think there has been a tangible feeling of the elastic surrounding mmf and my life together, tightening. Since this is the first time i'm seen mmf's folks post-engagement, its the first time we've thrown around words like "mother-in-law" and "son." For whatever reason (TV, media, observation of life), i really don't like the words "-in-law." Whenever i hear the suffix "-in-law," i hear "-that-i-hate." So that's a no go. To get to the thanks part:
I am thankful for my expanding family. It's a strange thing that in the past year, i have gained 3 sisters (mmf's sis and my bro's wife and my bro's wife's brother's wife--i'm still not gonna use "in-law" however) and a brother. And, what i'm realizing, as life gets more and more . . . ahem . . . real, is that i need family to expand to deal with the new challenges i face. as I am a firm believer in the concept of independence as a farce, i am thankful for the new branches that are sprouting from my family tree.
2. Staying on theme. When joining a new family, it can be anxiety producing, cause all the normative stuff you've done your whole life is not necessarily the same normative stuff that mmf's family is used to. Two things i am thankful for, that are part of mmf's narrative, but not my family's: Apps & Cocktails.
Every time i'm in VT for a holiday we have pre-dinner food. Pre-dinner food rocks. it's beneficial in that it keeps the non-cooks from picking at dinner, and also makes you feel classy--like you're at a fancy wedding or a benefit gala. It doesn't matter if it's shrimp (hell's yah), pigs in a blanket (HELL'S YAH!) or cheese and crackers, apps are NOT just for the iPhone.
Cocktails. Turns out, cocktails make giving thanks much easier. you can really get into a flow. Cocktails (both pre-dinner and during) accentuate the gala atmosphere the apps created. They also underline the point that you are relaxing. No, we don't usually crack the scotch at 2pm for the football game, but today is a hoooooliday, so we make an exception. We are refined. we sip drinks. we are fancy. fancy free.
Things I am not thankful for.
1. Two days ago (Nov 27), i ate sushi with mmf to Christmas music. The whole time. They just rocked thru the greatest carols mix. Not fun. It is the WRONG friggin MONTH! I still have turkey in my fridge. It made my dinner tangibly less enjoyable. Mmf suggested that i just pretend it is Christmas day (she mixed up her Asian cuisine, but it was still super funny since she said it deadpan).
2. Recently, i've had some eye problems (again). Long story short, to varying degree's my right eye can be normal to extremely red and irritated. When it's really red, i have to go through the unbelievably unpleasant process of explaining my condition to random strangers who ask about it. Which brings me to: I am not thankful for strangers who think its totally acceptable to ask people personal questions.
The worst of these is a man who is a serial conversation joiner. a man who will find any opportunity to start and continue a conversation with, pretty much anyone at pretty much all times. It's both creepy and annoying. Recently he, having seen me around the coffee shop on occasion, bust out with "what's wrong with your eye, it's red." In my mind i said, "No shit, MY eye is red. Thanks for letting ME know. I was totally oblivious to my own friggin eye. What would i ever have done without you pointing it out." My next thought was saying, "Yah, it gets that way when it senses a totally inappropriate question from strangers." I didn't. Mostly cause i love the shop so much that i don't want to increase my drama with any of its denizens (with exceptions of course).
I will say, that i also encountered my favorite example of how TO ask someone about their eye infection. While at another local bar/brunch place with some friends, a mutual friend/acquaintance joined us. While i don't know the guy very directly, our circle of friends has great overlap, and he's always been extremely nice. He asks, "Can i ask you a personal question." (by couching the question as personal, he's recognizing that you just don't shout questions of infection out without prompting. aka. Hey Mister, That herpes?) I said yes. He said, "Do you got the junk?" He was referring to conjunctivitis -- or pink eye. It wasn't an unreasonable question. Pink-eye is both super contagious and it looked like i had it. He also asked it in the best way. The way a kid who used to go to sleep-away camp and get pink-eye and lice checks regularly would ask it. I told him that he was safe -- no junk here. junk free since '93.
happy thanksgiving.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010 | 1 Comment(s)
I've had my first little "blog break" in quite some time. For that i half-apologize. i just haven't been feeling it. No, actually, that's a total lie. I'm still writing blog posts in my head (in and out of the pool), but i just haven't had it in me. Life has been pitching me high and inside, and i have been brushed back, out of the batters box. And i understand that in a world of fairy-princess-glitter-hope-dust that when i do have these tough periods in my life, that those would be the most important times to write and share and bletchhhhhh. Sorry, i just threw up in my mouth.
So, anyways, sorry about the break. But even blogging must take a back seat sometimes.
But no one puts Mattiti in the corner. Let's get to it.
LIVELIVELIVEUPDATE I was just informed the coffee shop im in is closing in 30 min. Motherfucker. This is what i'm talking about folks. Boogiemans following me.
One of my favorite TV shows at the moment is How I Met Your Mother. It may be that the characters' back story is that they all went to Wesleyan (like me). And it may be Neil Patrick Harris -- who is brilliant. Buuuuut it also may be that they have developed one character's back-story to be that she was a teen-aged Canadian pop-star. One of her fake songs is my ring-tone. More recently, they showed her Canadian kid's morning show (thing Mickey Mouse club) which was all about beaver ("they're the national animal--they're so cute"). The whole show was one huge beaver joke between these two teenaged girls and . . . . . . ALAN THICKE!!! Alan has made a number of cameos.
So the songs that "Robin Sparkles" sings are partially hilarious because she sings them with a Canadian accent. And that got me thinking that there are plenty of Canadian singers in the world (i know, its hard to think about) but you never hear the word "about" pronounced in that Canadian of Canadian ways. We leads me to think that at some point, early in these Canadian singers careers, some said, "Ok ok, now you'll never get famous if you continue to pronounce 'about' like a crazy Canadian. it's pronounced 'about.'" And then that singer practiced singing about like Americans instead of Canadians. And that makes me laugh.
America the beautiful.
So, anyways, sorry about the break. But even blogging must take a back seat sometimes.
But no one puts Mattiti in the corner. Let's get to it.
LIVELIVELIVEUPDATE I was just informed the coffee shop im in is closing in 30 min. Motherfucker. This is what i'm talking about folks. Boogiemans following me.
One of my favorite TV shows at the moment is How I Met Your Mother. It may be that the characters' back story is that they all went to Wesleyan (like me). And it may be Neil Patrick Harris -- who is brilliant. Buuuuut it also may be that they have developed one character's back-story to be that she was a teen-aged Canadian pop-star. One of her fake songs is my ring-tone. More recently, they showed her Canadian kid's morning show (thing Mickey Mouse club) which was all about beaver ("they're the national animal--they're so cute"). The whole show was one huge beaver joke between these two teenaged girls and . . . . . . ALAN THICKE!!! Alan has made a number of cameos.
So the songs that "Robin Sparkles" sings are partially hilarious because she sings them with a Canadian accent. And that got me thinking that there are plenty of Canadian singers in the world (i know, its hard to think about) but you never hear the word "about" pronounced in that Canadian of Canadian ways. We leads me to think that at some point, early in these Canadian singers careers, some said, "Ok ok, now you'll never get famous if you continue to pronounce 'about' like a crazy Canadian. it's pronounced 'about.'" And then that singer practiced singing about like Americans instead of Canadians. And that makes me laugh.
America the beautiful.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010 | 3 Comment(s)
Here has been life since engagement:
mmf gets sick.
i get violently ill, go to the ER, get pumped up with 2 liters of fluids.
mmf gets it.
things aint good t'all y'all.
So excuse the lack of posting
but until then, a poem:
Online Dating
mmf gets sick.
i get violently ill, go to the ER, get pumped up with 2 liters of fluids.
mmf gets it.
things aint good t'all y'all.
So excuse the lack of posting
but until then, a poem:
Online Dating
so youre a "stickler for punctuation"
(look! i used quotes)
That just means that we are not Match.com's.
but it doesnt mean
we cant be
friends