So last night i look at the T.V. schedule to see if gLee will be coming on (no such luck). While i am browsing (since i don't care to learn which network my favorite shows are on--im at max cognitive capacity god damn it!) i see that CBS's lineup consists of "Beverly Hill, 90210" followed by "Melrose Place." And just for a millisecond, just for a fraction of a millisecond, my heart pounds. In that fraction of a milli-pound i flash on the 90's, i flash on Brenda and Kelly fighting over Dillion, I think about how many times I "enjoyed" Kelly Tiffany Amber Valerie Kopowski Malone , I flash on alcohol being dispensed via back-pack dispensary system, I think of Amanda seducing clients on her office desk, of Billy "he's a soccer player in real life" Campbell, of wanting Sydney to act nicer so she could be my girlfriend, and i flash on wiping that smile off of goody-two-shoes Brendan's face (this was before the car accident wiped off his face). I flash on wigs being peeled back and faces getting burnt in house fires. I am at the height on teen drama nirvana. I don't even know there is such a thing as a teen vampire.

But alas, I cannot lie to myself. I cannot forget that i know that they have remade these classics. And let me say, THAT IS SUCH FUCKING WEAK SAUSE. Have we really run out of ideas. I mean, this is teen drama folks. Make up a new god damn high school. Dream up a whole new condo complex. Leave my god damn childhood alone you filthy tv executives who are too lazy to develop new characters that you have to mine my nostalgia and ruin tv's golden era of teen soaps. Grow an imagination. Don't disrespect today's youth and insult us Gen Xers by feeding us a recycled watered down cardboard cut out of a moldy classic and call it an original series. Cause no matter what you call it, it tastes like shit to me.


(. . . and that's how Sue . . . C's it)