A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gym.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 | 4 Comment(s)

I honestly thought that today's post was going to be about swimming.  Let me start there.  I was going to title the entry "Swimfan" and make some witty remarks about how, while no one actually stalks me, I have been spending an increasing amount of time underwater--an loving it.  That post will be for another day, however, as I forgot that generally speaking we have very little control over what actually happens to us--as opposed to what we plan.  With that in mind, I left for the gym and came back with a blog entry.  Enjoy.

I have been swimming regularly.  About 4 or 5 times a week.  And my favorite days to swim are actually on the weekend because not many undergrads go to the pool during this time (PARTY!) and the pool is open for 3 and 7 hour blocks, as opposed to the 2 hour window during weekdays.  This said, I got in my car to go to the pool around 2pm.  First stop = Coffee Shop (when i say coffee shop i always am referring to Amherst Coffee--cause its the shiz).  I find a well timed espresso right before exercising gets my juices flowing and makes the time that much more enjoyable.  The place was packed due to UMass Homecoming and my friend Andrew pulled me an epically beautiful shot that hit my system like a bong rip (except in the opposite physiological direction) and I was ready to go.  The gym/psych building parking lot is generally empty on the weekends.  Because it's the weekend and one hopes that most people aren't spending their weekends locked up in academic buildings (i totally do that).  Today, the lot was packed.  This sometimes happens when there are lacrosse/hockey/football games with overflow parking.  It's annoying but seldom, and usually you can still sneak in somewhere.  Considering this is homecoming, I attributed the crowd to the football game and felt lucky to park my Volvo in a rather optimal spot close to the gym.

I proceed into the men's locker room (picture Revenge of the nerds 80's gross locker room) to change and emotionally prepare for my swim.  There are a few UMass swimmers in the shower which isn't unusual as i'm pretty sure that the swim team has an quota of laps they must swim each week and there are always a few of them in the pool zipping back and forth like dolphins.  I change into my suit, quick rinse, and boom --thru the door into the pool room.  I look up to see bleachers full of people, swimmers, and general mass chaos in and around my usually ghost-town like weekend pool swim.  For about 2 seconds I feel as if I am in the movie where the kid is standing in front of the class completely naked (I am wearing nothing but a confused look and my jammers).  After those 2 seconds, I turn around and start drying/getting re-dressed.  There are, for the record, no signs or indicators that there is a swim meet today (perhaps they were up a different day--but not today), and this is pretty indicative of the shitshow which is the current state of affairs at the UMass gym.  You can tell them I said that.

Oh, now it gets good.  So, I'm feeling a little pissy and defeated and I'm not looking forward to letting this caffeine high go to waste.  That is when I realize I am parked in.  Now generally this would put me over the edge.  But this time, it made me smile and laugh.  Here's why:

and then subsequently(sorry for the sidewayedness) Additionally, it should be said that while I don't know how to rotate video as of yet, I did shoot this video from in front of my car to accentuate the parked-in-ed-ness:

and then, just like that, they were gone:

Ok, so this is the first time I have ever been parked in by a marching band so I decided to just go with the experience. But it was crazy nonetheless.

Arriving home unexercised, there was only one thing that could ail my woes. Bacon. So I made myself a bacon omelet with bacon topping, and all was well with my Saturday once again.


  1. mmm, bacon...

    Wait...bacon? Aren't you Jewish?

  2. As all good Jews know, "Bacon is a condiment."

  3. i enjoyed this glimpse into your day :) xoxox

  4. Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals.

    Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.

    Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got sense enough to disregard its own feces.