Holiday Decoration Nipple Slip

Saturday, December 19, 2009 | 2 Comment(s)

This weekend I drove to Boston for some fairly deserved fun.  After a night of Rock Band (judged by Harmonix workers--who make the game), mall shopping, and sushi take-in late night, I deemed the impending snow-storm too worrisome to ignore, and I high-tailed my scaredy cat ass home to Amherst.  Unfortunately, this ruined my plans to surprise friends at their holiday party (it's hard for the thought to count when you didn't tell them in the first place).  But, the prospect of being snuggled in my new sweatpants (purchased at said mall-shopping) with warm beverages at home while trapped by a wall of Fluff-like white, is extremely appealing.

Brief tangent.  I actually bought the same sweatpants for myself last year, but when i brought them home, I realized that even sweatpants need to be tried on first.  They ended up only fitting my gf, so she got an extra present last year.  The mistake was NOT repeated.  They are very soft.  Paired with my new robe I could be the spokesperson for Charmin.  So soft.  End Tangent.

Anyways, today's post is about the Christmas decoration I saw on my drive to Boston on Thursday night.  On my way to the Mass. Turnpike, I go through a number of small towns including Palmer, or Exit 8 to the locals.  Palmer is a perfectly fine small town, but judging by the decorations along the street, it is not the type of place where they would argue that Christmas was a non-religious holiday.  Rather, many of the lighting desgins formed different tableaus of the baby in the manger. 

One house, however, really missed the mark.  In their yard, they had built an 8-ft (approx.) high cross, and then decided to wrap said cross in red (all red) lights.  The effect of said decorations projected a pretty unmistakable burning cross.  Jigga-what!

Now, I'm going to be my optimistic self and ASSUME that they are not going for an offensive message.  I'm going to ASSUME that this is all one big misunderstanding.  Can I be sure.  No.  But, I chose to hope for the best.  Cause also, it's funnier to make fun of if they aren't trying to be horribly rascist.  Racism just seems to take drain the fun out of everything.

This is why I entitled this entry "the Christmas decoration nipple-slip."  For those of older/not culturally "plugged in" readers (and that may be a good thing), a nipple slip is an internet phenomenon whereby female starlets are photographed at the beach or in award's gowns, and the picture is taken and or is timed such that the female starlet's nipple can be seen poking out of her garment.  I have to say that personally, this is not that hot to me.  I like nipples, don't get me wrong.  But there just isn't that much particularly erotic to me about half a fuzzy aureole that can be seen only when you zoom into some digital photo.  Half the time it just looks like a few red pixels.  In the words of the great Sir Mix-a-lot, "I'll keep my women like Flo-Jo." I guess some of the appeal is the idea that the starlet somehow was careless in a way which cause the entire world to get to see more of their boobie than they would have liked.  While the idea is utterly absurd, it's this idea that I am using as a metaphor.

The people of the burning holiday cross were attempting to declare their love and devotion for their lord and savior Jesus H. Christ (i love a good formal name).  Instead, they managed to elicit pretty explicit images of hateful acts and executions in the bastardized name of the same god.  Embarrassing!!!  I should send them some paper towels to wipe all that egg off their faces.  What's also incredible about this is that there were a lot of moments where this situtation could have been avoided.  First, when someone said, "Why don't we build a huge cross in our front yard?"  This one was obviously missed.  Secondly, "What color lights should we wrap out huge cross in?"  The only wrong answer to that question is "How about all red!"  Red and green, much much better.  Not perfect, but much better.  Multi-color lights?  While their is a funny juxtaposition of the symbol and the colors, i'd lick that Jesus lollipop.  Just not ALL RED!  Why and how this got overlooked I really can't say. 

I just hope it WAS a hilarious mistake, and not the alternative.


  1. That is fantastic! I love it when people make slip ups like that. (Nice nipple reference too, I might add.) I wish you had gotten a picture.

    I saw a manger scene at a truck stop once that had a nice little glowing Mary/Joe/and the Baby J all set up. But prominently right in front of said scene was a sign. One of those red circles with a line through it, telling someone not to do something. And this one had a dog pooping inside the circle.
    Note to self, don't let your dog shit on the baby Jesus.

    Have you seen this hilarious holiday decor?

  2. Brevity is clarity, I always say. Perhaps you'll also enjoy the "slip up" in this little email exchange