Deep Blue Something

Monday, January 25, 2010 | 4 Comment(s)

I love post blog ideas that get sent to me disguised as emails in my Inbox.  And today I got two of those suckers!  Oh what luck.

First.  I got this email from UMass.  All you need to know here is that A) I park in Lot 32. B) It rained all day.  Enjoy:

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 15:15:50 -0500 [03:15:50 PM EST]
Parking Service
Undisclosed Recipients
Lot 32/34 Flooding

Lot 32 and 34 are flooding.  Please move your vehicle to a different location.  If your vehicle is underwater, do not start the vehicle.

Thank You.

So, thankfully i had left the lot about two hours before this message was sent.  But can we agree that this is hilarious and totally douchey at the same time.  Which is actually kind of impressive.  If my vehicle is underwater, how am i going to get inside to try and start the car.

And if we did manage to bring our SCUBA stuff with us to our cars after work, you're telling a bunch of academics not to try and start their cars underwater.  Um, hello.  Unless someone bought their Land Rover a engine snorkel, I really don't think they have to worry about someone going all yellow submarine across Lot 32.

And then, read differently, it's kinda like they are saying, "hey. our parking lot flooded and we can see that there are some cars underwater. so, if one of those cars is yours, don't start it.  but also, don't call us or hold us responsible in any way.  cause we aren't here to help, we're here to tell you that we know about it, and potentially warn some of you.  We aren't even giving you another Lot to move your car too.  Cause we don't care.  At all.  Have a nice day! *cue shit-eating grin*

Then I got this email from someone in the building: 

I don't know if anybody in the department parks in Lot 32, but if so, it is flooded (Monday ~3 PM).  Please do not reply to this.  That's all I know.

Have you ever seen a less helpful "helpful email" in your life.  "Your car may be destroyed.  Don't talk to me.  Stomp"  Okee-dokee.  Perhaps you should consider just not sending that email.  They'll figure it out soon enough.

Lastly, in my constant pursuit of trying to keep in touch with my friends, I sent this little Gmail Message gem to my friend Chris:

me:  how is your life sir.
in haiku if possible.

His Response:

Chris:  if for your blog this
haiku is, my life is sweet
otherwise, is it?

That is pure brilliance folks.  Well crafted.  Followed haiku rules.  Extra points for self-promotion.  And just a touch of guilt on me to publish it.  It is perfection.  And in keeping with it's spirit: 

Best life update haiku left in the comments section will be featured (along with Karen) in my Prize Winner's Blog Update! (open to one and all)

 Impress me!


  1. poster to present
    friends food booze fun psych -- with Matt!
    headed to vegas

  2. Go enjoy Vegas,
    Tell Mark Manning I said hi.
    I'll be home. Alone.

  3. myocardial
    infarctions aside, life's good.
    i heart insurance.

  4. espresso, chai tea,
    or non fat cappuccino
    amherst coffee, yo!