Relationship Defining Moments

Saturday, January 9, 2010 | 1 Comment(s)

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine in his mid-twenties.  He has been with his girlfriend for awhile now which, he was explaining,  was not a situation he was accustomed to.  It seems he had been accustomed to "short-term" relationships up until that point.  A feeling I have at least some experience with.  He asked me how one knows when they are in a serious relationship.  "Oh," I said, "a SERIOUS relationship, huh," was my witty reply.  "You know what I mean, a long-term relationship."  I explained that there is a difference between a 'serious' and 'long-term' relationship, and that there was also the combined 'serious long-term relationship' to contend with as well.  All of which, i said with great knowledge and confidence and while stroking my long white beard, had slightly different indicators.  At this point my grandstanding apparently hit the limit of my friend's patience, and the sarcasm took over (i deserved it for the record).  "Well, oh mighty and knowledgeable old guy (a mean mean dig to a 31-year-old), what are these subtle differences."

In my somewhat joke response, I think I may have stumbled, once again, on brilliance.  I can say that it is constantly humbling to know that most of the times that I make my way to brilliance, I get there stumbling over myself, tripping, and landing in it.  Brilliance, it seems, is my dog-poo.

The conversation that followed:

Me:  Has she ever masturbated with you in the room?
Him: Huh?
Me: Has she ever masturbated with you in the room?
Him:  Well . . . . um . . . yah.
Me:  And have you ever jerked off with her in the room?
Him:  Yes.
Me:  Then you are in a long-term relationship.  (Begin Sidebar:  My thinking here is two-fold.   1.  If you are in a short term relationship, you are too busy having and/or negotiating sex to stop and get into the subtleties of getting turned on by your partner(s) pleasuring themselves.  That or, by the time that option would be put on the table, the relationship is already over. I mean, who wants to waste a good one night stand rubbing one out of your own accord.  Just don't make no sense.  2.  No woman (or maybe just 1 or 2 women) that I know would go downtown on themselves in the presence of a guy they didn't trust.  And for women, infinitely smarter when sex is on the table, this trust cannot be obtained in a night or even over the course of a week or two.  You gotta do the time. End Sidebar)

Him: "Ok ok, I get that.  But how do i then know if I'm in one of these 'SERIOUS long-term relationships you were talking about.' (His sarcasm cup still runneth over)

Me:  "When you were jerking off with her in the room, was she asleep next to you?"
Him:  "Um . . . no . . . She was watching." (this was told to me with a similar inflection to if I had asked him "Is the ball square?" and his reply being, "Um . . . no . . . The ball is round (duh)."

Me:  "Well then, you aren't yet in a SERIOUS long-term relationship quite yet.  Congrats."

1 comment:

  1. Robin William once said (and I many be paraphrasing) "God gave men two brains but unfortunately didn't give them enough blood to run both at the same time."

    Seems fitting.