Schnoz-berries and Chocolate Dongs

Thursday, July 29, 2010 | 1 Comment(s)

I splurged on myself.  I seriously treat myself like a god damn  Pavlovian experiment where I reward myself for investing in things that are good for me.  I bought me a new swimsuit, swimcap, and goggles.  They are a revelation.  The first time i wore the goggles they started painfully jutting into my nose.  I investigated.  They were on upside down.  They felt better the other way around.  But today I wore them correctly and they bothered me once again.  I've decided I made a classic blunder.  I thought that because I have had my nose reconstructed thrice (baseball bat, shoulder, and doc's mallet respectively--the final one being the most unpleasant), i thought that perhaps my nose size would fall under "average."  So I used the average width nose-piece.  Silly rabbit.  Now I'm really trying hard not to crack a jew joke about myself here, but lets just say that I think my perception of the "average" nose size was grossly overestimated by yours truly.  I will try the larger one's Friday and hope for the best.  Update on the devious hanging swimsuit soon--teaser--there are a whole lotta knots going on.

In other matters, on vacation my brother hearkened back to an old high school study method and started chomping on chocolate chips from the freezer.  Yum.   On one of the last nights away my brother drops this sucker on the table in front of me.

I immediately eat it.  (*what* i like chocolate.) (insert cock-gobbler joke.)  Somehow the disappointment in my brother's reaction kept me from chomping (no teeth!!!).  I spat it out and took another look (oh wait, it's NOT two eyes and a nose!!!)  It is . . . its . . . its beautiful.  Mom laughed.  Dad laughed.  Pictures were taken.  Because really, it's art . . .
Delicious.  Erotic.  Raw.  Hell . . .its partially frozen even.

Melts in your mouth . . . grows in your hand.

Ok i'm done.

1 comment:

  1. titi -

    i just want to point out that this came out of the bag shaped like this. I did not shape this into this shape. this is akin to seeing jesus in a ham sandwich.