On Giving And Receiving Advice, Part II: Giving

Tuesday, November 6, 2012 | 0 Comment(s)

to be honest.  i've kinda of painted myself into a corner with this whole advice giving post.  Don't get me wrong -- i've got at least ten things to tell ya'll, but it is a bit daunting to say that these are the "10 best pieces of advice i've given or received."   So, because it's my blog and i get to change the rules to suit my needs, i'm gonna say these are 10 top pieces of advice i've given or received.  What a world of difference a little word rearrangement can make.

oh, and, these are just the first 5.

1) "In love (and often sex), it is not about your batting average, but rather your number of at bats."

this one is mine.  and it's wildly true.  People spend entirely too much time fretting about rejection.  Or worrying about the potential for rejection.  Rejection needs to be considered more and more like a glancing blow.  you have to embrace rejection, drink it in and let it fill you.  Realize your ability to survive it, and then move forward less encumbered.  The other option, is that it paralyzes you.  slows your confidence and forward momentum until you find yourself staying on your couch more, and experiencing others less.   And thats where it can really hurt you.  Cause love and sex is a numbers game people.  The more people you meet, the more your dating pool grows, and the chance of a compatible mate rises.  Also, by interacting with more people, you gain a finer understanding of what you want from a relationships/sex.  So, as my staying goes; Don't worry about striking out, just make sure you get out there and take your swings.

2)  "I have learned to accept the fact that we risk disappointment, disillusionment, even despair, every time we act. Every time we decide to believe the world can be better. Every time we decide to trust others to be as noble as we think they are. And that there might be years during which our grief is equal to, or ever greater than, our hope. The alternative, however, not to act, and therefore to miss experiencing other people at their best, reaching toward their fullness, has never appealed to me. " -Alice Walker

My friend Mia gave me this quote handwritten on a piece of paper when I was struggling my sophomore year in college.  My best friends were abroad, my gf had broken up with me, and my family was having communication issues of its own.  Additionally, on of my very best friends had seemingly fallen of the face of my earth.  This confluence of even left me lonely, depressed, and not feeling very hopeful.  This quote (which i still have), hung next to my bed for that year, and in its multiple rereads, i found a supportive voice.  A wisdom that aligned with my worldview.  And in its internalization, i believe i became a better human being.

3) There's only one thing that I know how to do well
And I've often been told that you only can do
What you know how to do well
And that's be you,
Be what you're like,
Be like yourself.

-they might be giants

This one is pretty self-explanitory.  It's from the song "Whistling in the Dark."

4) Speak truth to power   4.5) This too, it shall pass.

these are my two favorite cliché pieces of advice.  Both have served me well at various times.  Because they are fairly ubiquitous, i won't go into a lot of explaining.  

5) i will end with the advice that i give my classes on their last day with me.  This is the message i try to float along with them along the current of their individual streams:

"Whenever you do anything truly remarkable or worthwhile in your life, someone will ALWAYS try to diminish your accomplishment or tear you down with rejection.  Always.  And they may even be people close to you.  You must resist their negativity as if your life depends on it.  Put your faith and trust in yourself over giving weight to the voices of naysayers.  Cause the doubters will disappear, and you have to live with yourself forever. 

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