Kids: From A to Pee

Wednesday, February 24, 2010 | 2 Comment(s)

Kids man, kids.

Tonight, while I was waiting for my sandwich to finish cooking, a girl and her father came into the pizza shop. The girl was right around what I would classify as "brat aged." She was past the cute toddler phase and headed squarely into that awkward "why is my body getting lumpy" period. I associate this age group with a "mine mine mine me me me" attitude and generally not a whole lot of fun to be around. She tugged on he dad's pant leg and asked for some change. "Here we go" i thought to myself. "Why?" her dad asked. "For that," she replied, and pointed to the collection jar for the Haiti Relief Fund. "Well," i thought to myself, "I'm the asshole."
She later waited to hold the door for me on my way out. Whata nice kid.

When I was her age, I thought girls peed out of their butts. It's true. And, after thinking about this some, it's actually not that far-fetched a conclusion. I mean, as a little tot, all you are told is that boys pee standing up, and girls sit down. Isn't it logical to conclude that if I sit down to poop out of my butt, girls must sit down to poop OR pee out of their butts. Now again, I'm not arguing that I was correct, I'm just saying it's understandable. And it's not like I logged (hehe. I said logged) a whole bunch of time in the little girl's room.

Even today the other sex's peeing ability remains a bit of a mystery. I mean its like you women have this unpredictable nozzle of the water gun attached right there to your body, able to shoot off in any direction. And I'm not being derogatory here. I'm just pointing out that this is one of those things that the opposite sex can never totally grasp. Like how you women will never know what it feels like to pee around a corner. And I think that having some mystery is good, whether you find it in the flight of a bird, the laugh of a child, or the unpredictable nature of a woman's pee-hole.


  1. social psychologically speaking, the radio silence of this particular comment section on this particular post is interesting. i thought an explanation from a woman or doctor would be forthcoming.

    also, my friend's (gasp) toddler asked her grandmother, as she (the toddler not the grandmother) was fiddling with her vagina, "what is this?". "What do you think it is?" said grandmother. "My pee butt," said toddler.

    Mattiti, you're not alone.


  2. kids. man kids. get on that bro. I need me some nieces and nephews to study. Yah, that's right, I said study.