The Toilet Knows What you did last Dumper

Friday, February 26, 2010 | 2 Comment(s)

Ok. I have to admit it. I have a problem. I can't stop taking pictures in bathrooms. This is serious guys. Why does hilarious stuff keep happening in the confines of washrooms. But, I have to stay pure to my virtues and report it. Because who else will bring you behind the brown curtain if i don't.

Usually the men's bathrooms in the psychology building are a refuge. Being that Psychology is a fairly female dominant field, the chance of someone even entering the bathroom at the same time as you is slim. I'm not endorsing it as a hang out spot or anything, but if you did need a reliable place to hide out--it's there.

Until a few weeks ago when the signs got put up. Check this out:
This sign was posted over every urinal and toilet in the building (at least in the men's rooms)! Now first of all, "Be Health." What does that even mean. It reminds me of that show Mr. Slim Goodbody (remember when a name like that was PC, even for an educational show) in the 80's with the guy with the bodysuit picturing his insides (c-c-c-creepy). I don't use a public toilet to "be health," i go there to shamefully take a dump. To force me to be socially conscious at the same time is really above my pay-grade.

And perhaps it's just the dirty Wesleyan hippie in me, but we were taught: "if it's yellow let it mellow" in order to "Be Environment," in the hopes that our water preservation would help future generations "Be health." I realize it's a state school, but do we really have to remind people to flush.

Admittedly I'm being kinda a dick. I'm sure these signs are the result of the janitors getting fed up with the aforementioned horrific aim of the undergrads and their urine and putting signs up in order to cut down on the constant urine stench they must be forced to deal with. But I'm a snarky grad student, and it's still my blogs-honest job to make fun of this.

Turns out, I'm not the only one. Some grad student (or dare i suggest faculty?) finally reached their breaking point and posted this sign (eerily similar to the orignal) above the 6th floor shitter:
I laughed.
It's not even the best possible way to go. But the effort they took to cut the paper the same way as the original is what sold it for me. Also, the fact that this particular bathroom smelled of residual poo also seemed ironic.

I think i would have chosen: "The stalls have eyes. Be Victim"
It's also effective in that it's hard to shit when your are scared--hence "scared shitless." And therefore, less work for the janitors. This is why I became a Social Psychologist.

The only other sign I've ever seen in my building is a mysterious one that appeared on the wall above the stairwell which read: "The stairs feel your steps." Weird right? It was removed eventually, before i got a chance to replace it with "The steps feel your stares." Shame.


  1. HA! Toilet humor... sometimes the original is best. Really.

  2. Oh, while my mother recently totally me that she was "at her limit" with the bathroom talk, rest assured that I could care less (god bless her) and there will be plenty of bathroom fiascos in the future I'm sure.