How i got engaged again: Deep Water

Sunday, November 7, 2010 | 0 Comment(s)

Just kidding, just kidding.

its just that the readership of my blog has really spiked since i added the whole mushy love story, that i figured if i kept it going, i could really increase my readership.  And no, it's not even a little difficult to whore out my deep and pure love to get people to read me.  My friend Brian suggested that i break off the engagement and get re-engaged.  This is a good plan EXCEPT that i would undoubtedly lose my testicles in the process.  Brian did not seem willing to donate his testes to the process.  Pussy.

back to reality.

So, usually, while the pool locker room is an obvious wild-card, the pool itself is pretty benign.  But, every once and awhile, you get surprised.  The other day i happened to go to the evening hours for the pool which is considered "Open" swim.  This means that people other than lap swimmers are welcome.  And sometimes you get kids or families who swim around the shallow end and everyone's happy and life goes on.

But this day there were a gaggle of CLCG's (cute little college girls) all bikini'd up and attention seeking, splashing it up.  This started off fine, but then got, um, dumb.  One of the tinier and smallest bikini'd of the girls, quick as a whip, climbed up the HIGH DIVING BOARD!! and prepared to jump (lap swimmers still going back and forth).  this would have been both ridiculously ill-advised and pretty moronic to a normal person who cared about the welfare of others.  Just as the girl got to the end of the board, the lifeguards (two college guys) looked up and saw what was happening.  He said, "Um . . . . no.  There's no diving boards during pool swim." It had just the right amount of condescension and "use common sense people" inflection.  The girl, in her pouty best said, "but i'd really want to."

Now i thought, and this was my bad, that the college guys would get distracted by all that skin and boobs and let her tomahawk onto us poor and tired lap swimmers.  he did not.  He actually replied with one of the best quips i have heard in a good while.  "Then join a team," he said.  Perfection.

The real winning comment came from the same girl about 40 minutes later (i was now post-swim).  As her friends are drying off poolside, she goes into the women's locker room.  About 5 minutes later, this girl comes out of said locker room to exclaim, "I am SO confused.  All the lockers look the same!  Does anyone remember where I put my stuff?!?"  These are the voices of our future, people.  The next generation.  Of course all the lockers look the same.  They're LOCKERS@!!  What locker room have you ever ever ever been in that didn't have identical lockers (besides half vs. full-lockers).  Did she grow up with some magical multi-color locker room with personalized inscriptions.  Did the number on the locker not seem like an important difference to commit to memory.

but you know what really makes me sad about this girl.  It's not that she's an idiot.  There are a lot of idiots.  it's that she chose to announce her inability to find her locker across the entire pool room area.  She could have easily just walked around the pool and then told her friends that shes an idiot and she can't even remember her own locker.  They would laugh at her and it would be super funny and i would never even have known the better of it.

But with comfort and confidence, she screamed it.  The ease with which she unloaded her verbal diarrhea made me sad.  Being satisfied with mediocrity, especially while engaged in what is supposed to be higher education, just seems wrong to me.

I think you can understand why the silence of being underwater appeals to me.

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