Best Emails Ever: Ms. Faith

Monday, September 24, 2012 | 4 Comment(s)

I haven't done a "best email received" in awhile, and I've had this one saved up for a rainy day when i couldn't think of anything to write about.  While its sunny outside, the typing block is real, so here's the nugget of comic gold i've been saving.

From my university account (which, btw, let's me know that this email came from India):

FROM Ms Faith Titi Attah
Dearest one
I wish you and your family happy moments of life now and forever more
amen. Please, I do not have formal relationship with you but because of my present predicament and circumstancies I am made to contact you. I have been suffering from cancer of the Lungs and has a short life to leave.I have up my mind to donate my inheritance of 11.5 million USD to the less previledged please help me to fulfil my last wish.please CONTACT ME TO MY EMAIL
Ms Faith Titi Attah

Now what originally drew me to this email, was this "woman's name". Ms. Faith Titi Attah. Now i realize that I am somewhat self-invovled (i mean, i have my own blog . . .), but this name as a whole sounds remarkably close to Ma Titi Yahu. Who of course, is me.

I'm wondering if they have invented a spam-bot that sends out spam messages and makes them "from" a fake sender whose names resembles the actual receivers name. It wouldn't be that hard. I mean, in most cases, you can use the same first name - carla, greg, monica - and the fact is, that it would be an effective strategy for hooking people into caring about their email (if the content wasn't so blatantly screwy it would be even more effective). But we all like things similar to ourselves. We find more immediate affinity for those people that share traits or names or hometowns or most any seemingly random background statistic with us. This is why most good con men/women create a bond of similarity up front, to intensify closeness and trust over a short period of time. Anyway. I digress.

In my head this spam-bot sucked "Mattitiyahu" into its intake and when ballistic. And then, after a pop whistle grinding noise. then a hiccup. them steam rising from the top. Came Ms. Faith Titi Attah.
Nailed it. Frankly, I'd like to meet that woman. Sweet ass name.

Of course, i try not to make friends with people with cancer.

KIDDING!!! I love cancer patients. oy. this is not going in the right direction.

I just don't understand Ms. Faith's logic. The poor woman has gotten a case of cancer of the lungs. Horrible. I'm pretty sure this is a totally different disease than lung cancer. Much more severe. And now the poor cancer stricken woman is being forced to deal with an inheritance she received from another dying relative? So much tragedy. Couldn't another family member deal with all the terrors involved in managing the 11.5 mil that was left to the living relatives? I mean, worst case scenario, couldn't someone just mail the check to detroit? or rather, buy Detroit with it.

And if Ms. Faith IS burdened with her own deadly version of Brewster's Millions, why is she emailing me? Granted, 11.5 mil makes most people technically less fortunate than you -- but i wouldn't say that i am "one of the needy". I really really wouldn't say that. I know because i typed those words out on my MacBook Air.

In sum, I don't understand why I would need to email a dying woman who is trying to give away her relatives fortune to the less fortunate. I just don't see the role I would be playing.

Fortunately (or un-fortunately), this email was sent to me back in early May, so it's probably a non-issue at this point.


  1. Miraculously, Ms. Faith lives still! Just got an e-mail from her myself.

  2. Just got mine, too. She has upped the ante to $22.5 million and if you read "her" email address in the "from" title, you learn that her real name is Daniel. People with money have attorneys. People who want your money are named Daniel and dress themselves out at Faith Titt. Write him back - tell him, Daniel, if you're serious, put the cash US into a bag, put it into a locker at the Greyhound bus station, give me the combo and we're done. Cha ching.

  3. and still alive! received an email from her today, hahaha

  4. It makes me happy to know she's happy.