One of my absolute favorite radio segments ever takes place on this station. Somewhere around 5 or 6 the DJ's take callers, and they answer each call with "Tell Me Why You're Mad!"
I dream of calling in.
listeners just UNLOAD. Seriously, they UNLOAD. Screaming and spewing vitriol about their bosses, their backstabbing friend, their no good ex-boyfriend, the cops, teachers. It is the very definition of uncensored.
If i were to call in, right now, here's how it would go.
Yo this is 92.?, TELL ME WHY YOURE MAD!
I'm mad at this old lady who literally just, without asking, pulled the chair out from under my legs and sat down next to me at the table. She then kicked my foot, as if it were in HER space. JUST ASK LADY, YOURE WELCOME TO THE CHAIR. Just have some common decency!
I'm mad at the woman who walked into the crosswalk and AT my car at a major intersection while my car was still in the middle of the intersection. Lady . . . I'M IN A CAR!!! If you get your way, and prevent me from passing, YOU'RE going to have a broken pelvis. CAUSE YOU ARE SMALLER AND LESS DENSE (well that is debatable) than my car! Do you enjoy the sensation of your shoes popping off your feet due to intense impact? Then you'll love how this plays out when there is a undergrad driving the vehicle instead of someone with what's left of a social conscience.
I'm mad the horrible woman who tagged along with a couple to the bar for the guys birthday. She begins,
Her: "I'll have a Coors Light."
Me "we don't have coors light".
Her, "I ONLY drink Coors light, everything else is shit."
Me: (laughing at her on the inside).
Her: What do you have like coors light?
Me: Try this. (i give her a taste of one of our lighter bodied beers).
Her: This is SHIT! Do you have anything more like coors light?!
Me: (fed up already): Well, yes actually, I could pour you a pilsner, then pour it on the floor, to give it that frat floor flavor you know and love, and then back into the glass it goes.
(The unfortunate thing here was that the couple, including the birthday boy, were fine. totally nice. or at least, well within the acceptable range. Hard to kick a birthday boy out cause of his obnoxious friend.)
I'm mad cause that bitch came back into the bar at 1am for round 2 of calling our food and beer "shit" and then i had to friggin coral her ass out of the door. If everything is such "shit" WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!
I'm mad that when the puppy poops inside now, we only find half of it . . . cause the rest is back inside him already.
GUEST POST: Char Char from the bar . . . (this is real. i'm asking my friend, an espresso machine operator on her lunch break, what she's mad about):
Char Char (transcribed): I'm so fucking mad that people keep changing plans with me. whats so hard about hanging out. Like, sticking with a time. I don't care if you have homework. I don't care if you have to go to yoga. I don't care if you forgot to take a shower yesterday. Or if you're "not drinking right now". All i want to do is maybe share a meal or eat or something and it's only gonna take an hour. or LESS.
Back to me.
I'm mad at the fucking metal chair that I'm writing on for BREAKING WHILE I'M WRITING THIS!!!!!! The welding unhinged. I fell sideways . . . jumped up . . . then was like "nah, its a metal chair, there is no way i could crush it." Then i sat down, lurched sideways, and saw the metal pealing away from the chair leg. FUCK YOU CHAIR!!!! I'm mad at you.
I really think this is great. I'm going to go interview some others on "Why they're mad"
Ms. S (off-duty espresso machine operator): Well, I live with my ex. and that sucks. he's been bugging the shit out of me trying to be friends. . . . but now we're not friends anymore. . . . it's for the best.
Nick (stranger sitting next to Ms. S): Well I can't find a job. There are so many fucking people in this town. I was here in teh summer and it was nice and quiet. and now people are running around screaming. and you can't catch a bus anywhere and then they go and take all the jobs. And the friggin little kids too . . . the freshman. . . . I wen't to a party last week and this kid was like 18 . . . 18 . . . . making me feel old at 22. (*editors note*: im mad at a 22 year old feeling old).
Nick 2 (bartender): I'm mad because i found out that its quite possible that the Republicans and Mitt Romney are not even trying to win the Presidency, but are just running an obviously bogus campaign in order to raise money to win the Senate. I didn't even consider that before.
The more i do this exercise with people the more i think it's really healthy and beneficial. I encourage you, in the comments to TELL ME WHY YO MAD!!!!!!
So much hostility towards women.
ReplyDeleteSorry. Never mad.
ReplyDeleteMarc: Why do you have all that hostility towards women? ;)
ReplyDelete@nick: i'm mad at you lying.
You can sh*t the f*ck up for what you know, you c*** *****.
ReplyDelete