Words to Grow On

Thursday, September 27, 2012 | 0 Comment(s)

When most people find out i'm a psychologist, they assume that I am a clinician.  I am not.  Because of this assumption, the first question they usually ask is some form of: What advice do you have for me?  Thankfully for them, I love giving advice.  i like being helpful.  Additionally, if i happen to know this person in any formal sense (often not the case), i usually have at least some insight to share with them.

But often the person is a total stranger.  And when a total stranger asks for generic advice, this is what i often reply:

Tell those you care about that you care about them as often, and in as much detail, as possible.

We spend so much time outlining the in's and out's of our problems: tales of those who have affronted us, the depths of our personal woes, back pain.  And that's understandable.  We need to vent.

Unfortunately, we often skip over the highlights of our days with a "thank you" or a "that's nice."

We need to expand our thank you's.  We need to indulge our gratuity.  expound on elation.  share the love.  The 'good stuff' should never be the words left unsaid.  Save that for some leftover angry words or perhaps some words that are more about your own insecurities than blaming your partner.  Save those words and leave them unsaid in the attic.  But tell the people you love that you love them.  And, moreover, tell them why.

I promise you that person will remember the conversation you had with them.  And it will be meaningful for them.  And you.  And when all is said and done, when the money's all paid in full and the games all played out, those are the memories that will keep us smiling on the inside.

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