On the subject of high-waisted jeans.

from etsy.com . . . duh

I absolutely love that they have come around to be fashionable with hipsters and college girls.   Because high-waisted jeans are one of the most obvious fashion atrocities of my lifetime.   And that's key.   I was a real person in the late 80's when high waisted jeans made women look like they were wearing clothes tailored for actions figures; made to slip on easily, with wiggle room.  They make a woman's midsection look like some kind of jean-coated (pun not intended) Easter egg.  I remember this time specifically because it was paired with all of my friends' moms wearing those absolutely ridiculous baby doll dresses.  Those triangular travesties seemed like some weird fetish dress that my kid self even deemed totally inappropriate -- not to mention the dress's ability to completely eliminate one's figure.

Back to the high-waisted jeans.  i mean, even the name implies what a huge mistake it is to wear these pants.  As in, "you'd have to be high and wasted to think these jeans look good on you!" What I'm trying to say here is that high waisted-jeans are so stone-washedly ugly that it makes even the hottest co-ed wearing them look utterly absurd to me.  And that's a good thing.  i don't need that temptation in my life.  Ugg it up ladies (pun intended)!  I relish any  opportunity to be genuinely unattracted to you.  At best you look like a girl dressed up as a soccer mom (no disrespect soccer mom's --you're amazing too) -- at worst, you look like a confused first-year looking for the college orientation-sponsered 80's party.  Either way, I get to scoff knowingly at you like an old man shooing his pigeons, firmly planting myself above the frivolity of your modern fashion woes.  Conveniently, this haughty stance takes my mind and eyes off of you and puts them back on my brilliant gorgeous wife, who I am so utterly lucky to be loved by.

If only it was so easy to escape all the modern fashion trends.