Never Have I Ever Written a Sex Column

Monday, January 7, 2013 | 0 Comment(s)

I've been thinking a lot about marketing myself recently.  This is a markedly uncomfortable place for me because i like people to just recognize my brilliance naturally.  I kid.  It's uncomfortable because i spend the majority of my energy trying to create engaging and/or hilarious writing, and almost no time figuring out how to get paid for doing so.  Unfortunately, the laughter of my friends and family may keep me emotionally nurtured, but it won't feed me.  At some point (soon), i'm gonna need to make a move toward the mainstream and hopefully toward additional W-2 forms.

"It's a process."  
This quote was essentially the beginner curriculum early on in my choreography days in college, and it continues to be a theme as my writing becomes more of a destination and less of a tangential side-path.

The first rule to remembering it's a process is to repeat, "it's a process" over and over and over again as the waves of anxiety ride the duel sea-worthy vessels of "am i doing enough?" and "am i kidding myself?  They roll like the incoming tide up to the shores of my self-confidence.   Daily.  in and out.  Everyday the tide creeps in, seeking to weaken the defense of my ego-filled sand bags.  And every day, they must repel that metronomic force of self-doubt.

The second rule to remembering it's a process is to always be coming up with new ideas, new possibilities.  It's ironic, but once you take the giant risk of saying "i'm a writer", "i'm writing", "read my writing", you then have to continue constantly risking yourself by given credence to all of your crazy ass ideas, just so you are on your toes when a good one happens to pop out your mouth hole.

In keeping with this idea, here is today's crazy ass idea for my newspaper/blog/magazine column:

The name of the column would be I Once.  The premise would be (putting my phd in romance to work here) an advice column, but instead of "Dear Abby" being the opening tag line, each response would begin "I once" -- and then, in my own personally self-effacing, benevolently narcissistic way, i would attempt to humorous connect my personal and professional experience with other people's real life sex questions, issues, or discussions.  While i am in no way an expert on ALL things love, I would aim to dispense solid relationship and sex advice.  Like a straight dan savage.  Same santorum-like feel, now with added research experience.

And to test said crazy ass idea, I'm going to use you, my wonderful readers, as my test audience.  Best sex/relationship/love/lust question left in the comments gets the full I Once treatment.  Come on in and join the process.  The water may be cold, but it recedes every day.

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