Tales from the Past: Japan

Friday, October 29, 2010 | 1 Comment(s)

in 2004 i went to Japan to teach english.  when i was there i wrote these epic updates when i was stuck in the office not teaching.  today is an excerpt from one of my first emails home.  Enjoy:

"Note to those who didn't know it.  The real Yoda is actually a 98 year old woman who lives in the mountains of japan. Im not kidding--spitting image.  The Japanese people in general have HORRENDOUS posture --always bent forward, so when they get old---and like turtles these people grow really old--they are extremely bent over and  curved forward (i hear it is a "spinal disease"--whatever).  But they are generally so short that it just makes them look low to the ground.  Give them a small walking stick--which they have-- and send them hiking up only the steepest mountains--which they do --and you have yoda.  Only the force could be keeping these woman alive.  In the words of home star runner--"its Cwrazy"

The toilets. Oh my god. This country will never be the super power it wants to be until they change there toilets.  Sure they hve some "western style ones" but the others.  Picture this.  And porcelin oval about the length of you arm set completely into the floor.  There is a little porcelin flap/windshield up by the flushing mechanism which is that of  a urinal. No squat boy squat. Oh, im sorry--are your pants in the way---you'll have to take those off--and the underwear too--so im friggin half naked shitting in a whole in a god damn 1st world country.  I mean what the fuck.  Only once have I managed to dump without taking all my close off and that's because the stall in the office bathroom is small enough that I can pretty much brace my back up against the wall with one have as I hold on to the flusher with the other.  But I still risk ruining my life by dropping an errant bomb in my pants.  Its scary.  Thankfully the toilet in my apartment isn't like that.  Actually, it's even got a heated seat.  And that's niiiiiiice."

1 comment: