Living the College Lifestyle

Thursday, May 6, 2010 | 8 Comment(s)

Back when i was living in Boston, I dated a girl (let's call her Kristie) whose hotness was only exceeded by her craziness.  This brief affair didn't last too long before she decided to move back to LA, where she came from (oh yah she did).  But, as hot crazy girls have a place in everyone's life, we decided to  keep in touch and see how things went.  About a week in a got from Kristie what has remained to this day the most epic and unbelievable 3 minute voice-mail of all time.  It was shortly after this phone call that i added the "(DNC)" suffix to her name in my phone (The "Kristie DNC" stands for do not call--aka. no matter how drunk you may be, and how good an idea it might seem, DO NOT call this girl--editors note: One should not just replace the person's name with "do not call," because then you don't know which of your "DNCs" is calling--though that may be a good thing--i digress).

The voicemail itself began with how she could see that i obviously wasn't as committed to this "relationship" (3 weeks) as she was and that i was just "living the college lifestyle" (had a job and a nice place with 2 other guys).  She essentially spent about 2 and a half minutes trying to insinuate that i was a huge douche who was playing her, all based on absolutely no evidence (i was not, in fact, doing anything--she had left only 1 week prior--who has that kind of time).  The kicker was, that after this baseless onslaught she ended the message with, "ok, talk to yah later, miss you."  And it wasn't even that reflexive "miss you."  She paused, softened her voice, an lovingly told me she missed me. 

Full.  Blown.  Crazy.

I tell you this blast from my past because another friend of mine mentioned "the college lifestyle" to me today and it reminded me of that debacle (i should mention that you should NEVER EVER make a fool of yourself on someone's voicemail.  That's a recording device folks.  You can play that over and over and over again.  Everytime someone says, "she couldn't of been *that* crazy.  You just pull out your phone and show em.  It actually saved me a bunch of time in the end.  And for those of you saying that it's not nice that I shared it with people, I say A) it's not nice that she shared it with me and B) i don't blog cause i'm perfect.)

I believe the college lifestyle to represent being free from larger responsibility.  College is like life with training wheels, where the decisions you make exist only inside this larger bubble, shielding you from shit like taxes and the debt most people are simultaneously accruing.  And don't get me wrong, college is great.  Super fucking great.  I have my 10 year reunion in a few weeks and i'm super pumped.  I would go directly back to my college days in a heartbeat.  Fo Sho!

But here is my thing.  I'm 31, and while I am still, technically, in college, "the college lifestyle" no longer holds meaning in my life.  What I mean is that while the privilege of a meager stipend and intellectual freedom can be wonderful, when those real life responsibilities--or real life decisions (family? kids? buy a house? etc???--oh shit--i may have just created a panic attack, no, ok, i'm fine)-- are thrust into my reality, school can feel more like sandbags weighing me down, preventing me from reaching my goal (figuring out my goals?).  I've heard a bunch of stuff about "earning potential" and "likely income," and without sounding like an asshole, im ready for  some of my potential to potentiate.  Not the big bucks mind you, but any amount that makes "saving" a possibility. 

Oh, if only Kristie could see me now.


  1. I am working in Yellowstone Park for 6 months and I have gone back to college life. I am 61! This is strain on me. We live in dorms and eat in cafeterias where the food is a mystery and the manager screams at us for stacking out trays crooked. College life has come flooding back. I loved it, but did I mention...I'm 61! I like having some privacy. I don't like waking up at 2 a.m. when the employee pub empties out past my bedroom window. I feel your pain. Love your post. You are a great writer.

  2. Hey Judy. Sounds like you are living the high school lifestyle. Maybe even a little bit of the *gasp* middle school lifestyle (no one likes a lunch line.) Thanks for reading and no matter how bad it gets, at least you are in Yellowstone, and that ain't half bad.

  3. crap. i've been in and out of colleges for a while. Everyone around me has graduated and here I am - with a part-time job, a major I hate, and a life I'm not sure which direction its headed. It sounds to me you're not yet in such a rut like me. I thought college is supposed to help you find your way, help you see the future. eff it all. live the way you see fit. I'm a public affairs major but I think in the end, I'll drop everything and go to cooking school. that's probably what I'll do...

  4. @carnage Funny you mention cooking school. One of my friends in my PhD program just left to do the same thing. Figuring out how to get out of the ruts we all encounter is un-endingly frustrating. But, one hopes, worth it. Keep plugging away, and if you do go to culinary school, send me tons of free dinners!

  5. I can't believe I missed this post. Hanging my head in shame. Regarding Kristie...I wrote a post a while back about all chicks being batshit crazy. ALL CHICKS!!!! For real. She was just more open about hers.

    Hooray for college...I'm going back too!

    Love your blog.

  6. I suggest you ditch "chicks" altogether and start dating dudes, dude. You could totally make it work for you. No more crazy. And other benefits, too. Like a dude will be happy--nay, excited--to help you realize all of your most perverted bedroom fantasies. And to come up with new ones. And afterward he'll join you on the couch for pizza, beer, and 4 hours of playing World of Warcraft. Rather than having to hide your porn stash, you can share it freely (and he'll help you expand it). Oh, and when you do something totally gross and Matty-esque, like squirting pus from an infected chest-hair follicle, far from questioning your sanity, he'll just give you a congratulatory high-five and challenge you to do it again with better hang-time. And if you play your cards right, you might even double your wardrobe, too. How sweet is that?

  7. @MsC They crazy. They so crazy.

    @John. What i think you are entirely missing is the greatness that is my gf. Is she crazy (see above), but i think we BOTH know that guys can be just as horrid. And as far as perverted bedroom fantasies, baseball with beer on the couch, porn, and pus high-fives-- my lady comes up spades in all categories. I realize that i may seem convince-able, but the gf is your ultimate roadblock.

  8. (1) I didn't really think you were recruitable. Err..convinceable.
    (2) But you really can't blame a guy for trying.
    (3) Not that I'm desperate--I'm already whacking the guys off with a stick.
    (4) I should probably rephrase that last sentence.
    (5) Sounds like your lady is the holy grail of gfs
    (6) That holy grail metaphor is wrong on so many levels.