Sick Again: Alex Trebek is a Douche

Monday, May 10, 2010 | 6 Comment(s)

So, after being sick just a few weeks ago, my gf and I managed to catch hideous colds on our romantic anniversary weekend in Boston.  Boo-face.  Watching the Red Sox get decimated in the rain surely didn't help our situation either.  So now it's 10pm on Monday and I am delirious from a combination of meds, over-hydration, and frustration.  I'm gonna vent a little.  I need this people. 

I think Alex Trebek is a super huge douchebag.  I have never met the man (nor do i plan on attempting to meet him), but from what I can tell I'd like to jam a champagne-flute right up through his upturned chin.  I mean, all those lame ass accents he puts on when he reads the questions (answers really)--you're not fooling anyone Trebek.  No one thinks you know 35 different languages fluently.  And the way you correct someone when they get a question wrong,  "Oh no no no no, it was the other Pope who gave communion to Napoleon, you silly thing." Fuck off Alex.  You don't know this stuff.  The answers are right on the screen in front of you. 

Here's what I want to see. For one of those celebrity Jeopardy's, have Alex be a contestant instead of the host.  We'll see how many accents he rolls out when the correct pronunciation of the answer isn't piped into his ear-piece (i don't think that happens--apparently he is at least fairly literate). And I would love it if when Trebek gets a daily double and wagers $2000 or whatever strategic amount seems best, the host (let's pretend it's Sarah Silverman--since she was on a recent episode and her comedy fits this fictional situation) just looks at him with disdain and disappointment when saying, "Oh, not going to go for a true daily double???  Too bad.  If you had any amount of gonads you would make it a TRUE daily double.  Oh, what?  You are saying that you are afraid to wager all of your money without being given the answers ahead of time.  DOUCHE"

If I really think about it, perhaps it's not totally his fault.  Like celebrities who grow up constantly pampered until they become sex addicts, cocaine whores, or Tiger Woods, perhaps Alex had no real change of not becoming a douche.  I mean, if you were given all the answers to everything for long enough, you too might believe that you actually knew some of them (or all of them).  But at the same time, isn't Trebek just the quintessential guy at the bar who interrupts conversations he's not a part of just to tell them how they're wrong.  Fuck Trebek.  He's almost as bad as onions.

How do I assuage my hatred for this TV game show disaster you ask?  It's simple.  Every single time I play hangman (and I'm not saying I play it that often these days--but you'd be surprised how consistently this game pops up throughout my life) with every passing letter I picture the guy being drawn with salt and pepper hair, a condescending attitude, and all the answers in the world.  Hang well Alex.  Hang well.


  1. HAAAAAA!!!! Alex Trebek...You're right...He IS a douche!

  2. Do you feel better now? It is so good to vent. I get accused of being a cynical bitch sometimes when I do it. I just think that people don't understand our humor. I'm assuming that people don't understand you, but maybe they do. Maybe it's just me and being from the Midwest, people just don't talk this way. I dislike Mr. Trebek also. Hope you feel better. I am just coming down from a bad one too. Sniff

  3. @Ms.C he puts the ouch in douche

    @Judy. Morning has come and the cold is starting to pass. I *think* people get my rants round these parts--or at least my humor gets humored. If you've got snark, the east coast is the place to be.

  4. No, I don't get you at all.
    Where did you dig up the shirtless Trebek pic? He still manages to look smug in it, too...with his S&P hair over his ears and his trim S&P stache and his sparse chest hair. I really didn't need to know what was under his starched shirts.
    Do you think he read about the Alex Trebek effect in social psych textbooks and thought, "hey, that's right up my alley! Might as well run with it!"
    He's Canadian, you know. And he has looked about 50 years old for the last 20 years. How does he do that?

  5. @John search "alex trebek" in google images (but dont give away my image finding secret). And yes, i know he's Canadian. I mean, OF COURSE he is--just listen to the fake French accent.

  6. I read this blog post while you were lecturing about Yerks-Dodson Law. Had a good laugh, thanks! Also don't worry I took notes on the law.