Pills, Pills, & a Platypus

Wednesday, May 19, 2010 | 1 Comment(s)

Odds and Ends.

1.  As long as I got started on steroids, I feel i should give some closure to the subject.  Steroids taste like acidic shit.  Really bad.  Like, just using water to swallow them isn't enough to mask the horribleness, gross.  I've been chugging OJ with the pills just to avoid the gray death of the taste.  I can kinda see why people would inject em instead of taking them orally. (yes readers, I fully understand that these and HGH are a different kind of steroids.) 

2.  On the subject of pills . . . One of my friends (who i promised anonymity to in exchange for getting to retell this story) offhandedly mentioned to me that, as a teenager, his friends had convinced him to take ruffies.  Yes, those ruffies--the date rape drug.  He clarified that it wasn't that his friends all ganged together to get him to take the drug, but rather, they all convinced each other that they should try ruffies.  And here is when i started laughing pretty uncontrollably.  Because, to me, the idea of a bunch of 16 year olds all splayed out unconscious in one of their basements--just unconscious for the thrill of being unconscious--is hilarious.  They ruffied themselves!  Oh what will the kids think of next--no more getting drunk and getting laid, now they take drugs and lie motionless together across the floor. Great tableau.

3. On the subject of lying motionless . . . do other people out there have set "sleeping positions."  Body positions that you have pre-set in your mind, that you know you can fall asleep in?  I have a whole bunch, and i even have pre-final-sleeping-position-sleeping positions.  One of my favorite of these i call "the platypus."  This position is often utilized just after entering bed and its power is in its ability to seem immediately comfortable--as if i could lay that way all night--even though i know i can't.  It's called the platypus, because like the animal (a mammal that lays eggs, has webbed feet, a duck bill, a venomous claw, etc.) it has a little bit of everything and is altogether a bit strange.  For your consideration:

The Platypus:

Laying on my front, my left leg is stretched straight down to the end of the bed.  My right leg is bent at a just greater than 90 degree angle at the hip, and the knee is bent.  There is a 2nd pillow that rests under my right hip joint and right torso and helps align my spine in the position.  (quick side note:  if you have a bad back, and you sleep on your side, sleep with a pillow between your knees.  This ain't a health blog, but that'll make your life better).   My left arm is tucked underneath my chin in a way that (looks like i have myself in, ironically, the sleeper hold) lifts my left shoulder blade to help support my head on the pillow. My right arm and hand join my left hand underneath my pillow and my head.  

Yes.  This is crazy.  But something about the torque it creates feels good.  Like a twisted Gumby toy person after a 5 year-old has had his way with it.  And I relax in that position until either my arm falls asleep or my back realizes that this is not actually good for it.  And then I move into my 1st-sleeping position (prior to the 2nd position--which is the first REAL attempt at sleeping).  But that, is a story for another time. 

It's amazing i get any sleep at all.

1 comment:

  1. The platypus sounds like one of my favorite sleeping positions, too, though mine is a little bit more on my side. Crazy!