The Monster in My Pantry

Thursday, May 13, 2010 | 3 Comment(s)

As I have said before on this blog, my gf is one of the all-time best sneaks in the entire world. I say this in admiration. But, I also have to live with it. So tonight, when I got hungry for something not-so-good-for-me, I had to start looking in the pantry behind some of the more mundane items like flour and garlic cloves (i still love you garlic). She intentionally hides yummy special adult-type mutli grain sea-salted crackers and pretty much anything chocolate chip behind the items she thinks i'm least likely to go near. If there is an eggplant in our house, there is most likely a snickers bar wedged between it and the pantry wall. I'm not kidding folks, she's an evil genius.

So as I was reaching somewhat blindly behind items in the pantry, I recoiled when i felt something that I could only mentally describe in that moment as, "organ-y." Pretty much like the peeled grapes in a bowl as eyeballs trick except I wasn't at I haunted house and it was more "stomach-y" than eye-ball-y.
He's not scary, but he's my FAVORITE monster,if one were to be in my pantry!

What was it? A dead half-eel? A cow tongue? No sillies, it was a half eaten bag of marshmallows!!! And I know what you're thinking, cause I thought it too: She got me AGAIN!!! But to be quite honest, I don't think that's the case in this instance (and ONLY in this instance). Because here is the funny thing about marshmallows; While they will never actually go bad, after a few weeks they just kinda end up all squished into one big marshmallow cloud, and the whole sugary blob just seems so . . . well . . . dusty. And not really appealing. Oh, you better BELIEVE i rocked the shit out of those mallows a few weeks ago when we made smores (they're amazing, in the microwave, like 3 seconds. Do it. Do it now.). But now the whole bag is more . . ."ehh." And I think my gf feels the same way.

this time . . .


  1. Yup...I do the s'mores in a microwave too...And my marshmallows are still in the pantry too...Next to the quinoa (that I haven't touched since I bought that crap).

  2. i haven't eaten marshmallows since i ate a rice crispy treat and had my brain go into the blue screen of death. okay, it was three rice crispy treats. it was bad. i decided to lay off the sugar and ultra refined carbs after that.

  3. @C quinoa is the grain equivalent of marshmallow

    @Arthur. you're really milking that whole "i had a heart attack thing" huh. That was, like, so 2009. Glad we can laugh about it now. ha ha hmmmmm.