I got 99 Blog Posts, and this is One

Tuesday, March 16, 2010 | 2 Comment(s)

So I was originally going to call this entry "A Pound for your Thoughts," but I couldn't resist the Jay-Z reference.  Also, seeing as England HAS pennies, I was not too heartbroken to discard an inaccurate pun.  What a stickler am I.

Let's take my morning brain for a spin.

First.  Since arriving in Ol' England, it has been sunny 4 days in a row.  This is contrary to the predicted forecast that i checked on the inter-web prior to my departure.  When I typed in London, it returned more "rain" icons then i have ever seen.  A few drops even flew out of my computer and hit me in the face.  Rain everywhere.  My computer screen physically got cloudy.  But in actuality, in the words of Blind Melon (that's another band name mom & dad), there is No Rain.  What this says to me is that weather websites in the states just post "rain" as the forecast for England every day, figuring that percentage-wise, they will end up being correct more than incorrect.  Essentially they are playing rain roulette.   In an ironic turn of events, the day after I left New England for Old, the storms came and flooded the entire east coast of the states.

Second.  The thing I have learned the most about myself during this trip is that I am head over heals addicted to the internet.  To the point that not having it around makes me twichily uncomfortable.  As an avid mini iPad user (that's what i've decided to call my iPhone now), i've grown alarmingly used to having the internet all around me--like air.  It is the constant reassurance of friends, family, facts, and fun at my fingertips (that's called alliteration bitches).  It's also like cigarettes for non-smokers.  Something to do when you are standing there doing nothing.  Now I realize that this issue is being confounded with my simultaneous lack of cell phone use, but i have still surprised myself at how jittery not being able to look up stupid shit like how many seasons of Arrested Development (its a t.v. show m & d) there are.  And here is the thing.  Remember that you heard this here first. While there currently is no rehab or sympathy for internet-addicted individuals (certainly not close to the level of sex addiction), there will be.  It's coming.  I'm not sure what form this rehabilitation will take, but i'm pretty sure that they will popularize the phrase "un-plug."  As in, "Here and Shady Meadows Internet Rehab, we teach our members (they always use euphemisms like 'members') how to un-plug from their daily grind and re-appreciate the beauty all around them."  This will happen in the next 10 years--most likely right after they start implanting iPhone-like devices into our forearms.

Third.  There really is something special about seeing familiar faces in unfamiliar places (and not just because it rhymes).  Last night, Matt and I were not in a great mood.  Why that is true is not important.  But, we decided to hit up a bar that we had previously planned on going to, on the off chance that my peeps from our local bar (The Moan and Dove -- the best bar in America in my opinion--go to it if you are EVER in the area!!!--and let me know since I will meet you there) would stop by on their beer tour through Europe.  Somehow, with absolutely minimal communication, the whole Amherst, MA gang rolled in shortly after our first (amazing) cask beer.  The merriment commenced.  Seeing local friends in foreign lands is like being hugged the entire time you are together.  It's hard to describe, but something about sharing a common home base and history in a shared out-of-your-comfort-zone situation is tremendously bonding.  Bad moods no more, Matt and I began our voyage home, as we left our American beer compatriots to continue their voyage to beer Meccas.

Lastly, I will end this post, with a flashback.

Matt and I have been friends for a long while.  We have spent countless hours trapped together in various planes, cars, stadiums, boats, reefs, bungee cords, parachutes, beds, and drug-induced forrest wanderings.  On one such occasion, we were driving out of a Met's game in Queens New York when I realized that I needed to pee (not from drinking beer at the game of course ;)).  This led to a conversation in which Matt and I standardized a 1-10 scale which related to how badly one needs to go to the bathroom (number 1).  We like to do shit like this.  We have scales for many many things.  I recommend it.  What I like best about our scale is that as the numbers increase, they do not do so in a consistent manner.  For example.  The amount of increase in "need to pee" going from 5-6 is NOT the same as the amount of increase between 7-8.  Not even close.  For those of you stats geek, this is kind of like a log function increase.  So as the scale increases, the immediacy of pee inadvertently dripping out of you increases in multiples.  So where the difference from 5-6 signifies a move toward urgency of need, the increase from 7-8 is more an indication that when you get to 8.5 you WILL pee in pretty much any location--independent of appropriateness.  To give you some idea of a 9, a 9 means you will quite possibly pee in a populated subway/tube car.  On this particular aforementioned trip in Queens, we were stuck in traffic when I hit an 8.5 for only the 2nd time in my life (the other time i eventually got up to a 9, which caused me to jump off a bus in the middle of nowhere in Israel [where i was sitting {by happenstance} next to my HUGE kibbutz-friend Israeli army-girl crush] in order to relieve myself in the desert and then hitchhike the rest of the way to my destination--this is serious stuff folks).  At 8.5, I jumped out of Matt's car, ran a few yards away from the road, and just went for it.  Sweet sweet relief.

I tell you all this because the scale was renewed last night on our ride home from the bar.  While i didn't make it to 8.5, I DID make it to an 8 getting off the tube, which was enough to have us take a detour on our short walk home in order to pee on the brick wall in front of someone's building.  I'm not proud of it, grant you, but man o man did i enjoy it.

*the lack of pictures at the moment has to do with internet issues.  So you'll have to use your imaginations for a few days.


  1. I was really expecting this to include an episode where you jumped out of the car in Queens and peed on the side of the road. And let me say definitively, you wouldn't have been the first.

  2. Oh I pee'd all over Queens. But a part of me felt it was a like shoveling shit onto a compost heap. Who could tell the difference.