Let me begin with this reminder. I am trained as a SOCIAL psychologist, not a clinical psychologist. I tell you this to reinforce that the following argument is true not because I have any particular training in this field, but simply because I am correct.
Sex addiction is the biggest load of bull-crap I have ever heard of. I think this 'condition' first was brought to my attention when David Duchovny, of X-files fame, checked himself into rehab for a sex addiction after playing a sex crazed character who sleeps with tons of beautiful women on his hit show Californication (see, it's a pun). I chuckled at the irony and moved on. "An isolated incident," I thought to myself. I forgot to bet on human nature to keep f'n it up.
Next was Steve Phillips, one of my least favorite sports announcers and inept ex-Mets GM. Listening to him give the play by play of a baseball game is like having my ears raped by a razor blade encrusted cactus. I loath his voice. He decided to have sex with (dare I say a homely looking) ESPN staffer who subsequently went super crazy McLostHerMeatballs and threatened Phillips's wife (oh yah. He's got a wife and kids)--saying that the wife didn't deserve him et al. McMeatballs people. She went off. So, in perhaps the most ironic twist of all, Phillips was fired from ESPN, but NOT for being the worst baseball reporter of all time (2nd to Tim McCarver, of course, who is the Satan to Phillip's Damian [the devil or the yankee]). This is unbelievable to me, but i digress. (turns out, the repentant Phillips had settled out of court in 1998 for having sex with a Met's employee and was sued for sexual harassment--classy guy). Interesting addendum here, Michael Douglas also once spent time in rehab for sex addiction in the 90's. He strangely seemed to get over this serious disorder when he met and then married Catherine Zeta Jones in 2000. Catherine Zeta Jones is the new methadone. I hope they staff their free public exchange service for some heavy foot traffic.
In both cases, the article has the main character comparing their sex addiction to alcoholism. But that is friggin ree-dick-u-lous. Sex is not a disease (no matter what the extremist religions tell you). Wanting to have sex with everyone you see is not a disease.Here's how you can tell the difference. Go to the poorest crappy neighborhood nearby. Disease trickles down, and if this thing is real, the poor will be crawling with it. Ask anyone coughing on the street if they are suffering from sex addiction. Ask em if sex addiction has them begging for nickels and scrapping for food stamps. You won't get any takers. Truth is, sex is one of the last things in this world that poor people and rich people can have the same amount of (though i'll bet anyone that the poor have more sex than the wealthy).
Oh, you'll find alcoholics on the street. Cause that shit is a disease, and it will hollow you out. Sex addiction? You've got to go uptown to find that illness.
And what's more guys. That feeling you get, that says, "I want to sleep with every hot women I see," that is also not an illness. That's what i call "being a guy." Your problem, fellas, is one of impulse control. Or your lack of it. You've mistaken the ability to bed these women with bedding these women being a healthy thing to do. You've made bad choices. You've been selfish. You've put yourself in front of the people you love. One might even say you've been douchebags. But please don't pawn it off on some phony disease that you make up so that it seems like you're helpless against this big bad world, when in fact the truth is that you've been exploiting the core cancerous nectar that comes from being one of the privileged few. And at the same time the message you're communicating is both misleading (regarding the comparison to alcoholism) and disrespectful to people suffering from alcoholism, many of whom turn to that particular drug as a way to cope with a system that has left them at the bottom.
Poor you guys. You were compelled by your secret love of illicit extra-marital young girl subordinate sex to cheat and lie to the people that respected you. Steve Phillips, meet porn. Porn, meet Steve Phillips. If you guys had met a few years ago we could have avoided a bunch of trouble. You know, they have separate web-sites for each one of those fetishes. Because we all have those base impulses. The difference is, we are mature enough not to act on them. As the saying goes, "bad people do what good people think about."
While I would usually say that the first step in beating an addiction is admitting you have one, in this case, I think the opposite is true.
*edit. When posting this blog entry onto facebook, this was the security phrase (which somehow got erased and now i've added in []) that I was prompted with! Facebook agrees with me!
Security Check
Enter both words below, separated by a space.
Can't read the words below? Try different words or an audio captcha.
[Seducers issue]
you need to publish this one.
ReplyDeleteAs a woman, I thank you for admitting that sometimes, most times, people screw around only because they think they won't get caught, and then need a convenient lie to hide behind. I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts everyday!
ReplyDelete@holly: I DID publish this one. On my blog!
ReplyDelete@Ninja: I absolutely love readers loving me! I should let you know, as a woman, that the incidence of female cheating is skyrocketing (this is actually based on research), so I think that 'female sex addiction' is right around the corner. There's some equality to look forward to.
Ha! I thoroughly enjoyed this. And yes, why DON'T we have more female sex addicts out there?
ReplyDelete@Molly It's just a matter of time my dear. It's just a matter of time. (or perhaps you know them as 'the popular girls")
ReplyDeleteI agree that "sexual addiction" is a misnomer, because addiction implies physiological dependence and withdrawal symptoms.
ReplyDeleteI do think, though, that people can develop a, shall we say, sexual preoccupation. Kind of like a gambling addiction (also a misnomer), where the behavior is powerfully reinforced (and the motivational state is chronic). I think people can indeed become so preoccupied with the "hunt" that it occupies their thoughts at inappropriate times, takes over other aspects of their lives, takes priority over friends and family, interferes with their work, causes them to overspend on it, and basically becomes a compulsion. it's one thing to have a rich and fulfilling sex life--it's another to let it take control of you, to be doing it for the sake of doing it, to barely be done with one tryst and already on the prowl for the next one, to let one's sexcapades jeopardize other relationships and priorities.
you can become preoccupied with a lot of things, money, clothes, shoes, food, etc. We live in a society of instant gratification. I want to have sex now, so if I hide behind the word, "sex addiction", I dont have to be responsible sleeping around. Self discipline and love for your partner needs to be considered in this case.
ReplyDeleteSex addiction is an american disease. In my country there are no sex addicts. How funny is that? Seriously, this sex addict BS is just that, BS...
ReplyDelete